30 and Single

Yes you read it right. I just turned 30 and I am single. I am happy that I am able to live my life on my terms. I want to talk about arranged marriages today. Ideally, people want to find their own guy/girl. But for the less fortunate ones like me, for whom love marriages didn’t work out, here is how it goes.

Your parents create your matrimonial profile. You get some random requests. Your parents feel that most of the grooms are nice and a suitable match for you. And you forcefully agree to meet a few of them just for the sake of it. To keep them happy! So you meet him for a cup of coffee. He has already read your biodata and is aware of the hobbies you are very passionate about. And he wants to know more about you.

Once you're done with all the small talks about your work, here comes the most important question: “What do you do on weekends?”

You would think it's a very general question right? Wrong. You tell him you are studying for an exam currently. But when you get some free time you watch movies, go out with friends etc. He listens to this and asks, “Okay tell me what else do you do on weekends?”.

You think 'what else do I do'. I try to remember what I did for the last few weekends. You then say, “I listen to soothing music. I read some books. I go trekking. I like all kinds of sports.” He listens to this patiently and he asks again. “Okay tell me what else do you do on weekends?” And you wonder, what else do I do? You reply, “I cook sometimes. Although I am very good at cooking, I cook only once in a while as I'm busy doing other things.”

Again, he further emphasises on the question — What else do you do on weekends?

Now you are very furious but you cannot express your anger. You think in your mind. How many hours do you have on the weekends anyway? After describing your weekend routine, is there any time left for doing anything else? You decide in your mind. F**k you. And say “I sleep. I love sleeping.” He gives you a look. And you know you are relieved from this torture.

I don’t know the guy’s perspective. But as a girl I have met over 50 guys and it never worked for me.

What else do you like? One simple question can become so irritating. Okay so what you like Jazz. Nopes you just started to listen to Jazz. I don’t really know what Jazz is except for the fact that it’s a melody that keeps repeating itself. When your are meeting someone for the first time, does it matter whether that person knows what Jazz is? Just because that is your recently acquired hobby, the world should suddenly start giving a f**k about it?

And here’s more, I have very interesting discussions with my friends about various subjects like stock markets, economy, budget, investments, and we have very deep discussions about various classic movies. I am not sure if you will fit in there.

Okay it's great that, “You are a big movie buff and a die hard random music fan. You name a few English movies too, which I might not have seen and foreign singers, musicians and actors who I might not have heard of.” But does it really make a difference in choosing a life partner?

Really guys? When you fall in love with someone, are all your expectations met? Can you say all your interests match perfectly?

You can always go to Jazz with your friends while I watch an interesting badminton match with mine. Is it necessary to do all the things together every time with the person you are getting married to. You can always have your own circle and own group of friends still right? Or are you expecting me to give up on my previous life as a whole?

Then there are the desperate ones.

He will be too enthusiastic about the meeting even before seeing you. He got impressed just by reading the matrimonial profile your parents set up for you. So soon as he gets your number, he pings you in the middle of the day when you are busy in office. Or in the middle of the night when you're really not expecting a call or a text from a stranger. It's not polite, you see. 

“Hey Hi, I am XXX and your mom gave me your number.”
You say, "Hi!"
He pings, “So what's up? What are you doing?”
You say, “I am working.”
Then he says, “So tell me something about your hobbies.”

You think what the hell? I am in the middle of some important work and this guy is asking about my hobbies.

You ping him, “I am in office right now. Can we talk later?”

You go home after work. He pings you, “Hi, had dinner?”

You just want to get rid of the conversation and you reply saying something completely useless. He keeps pinging you still and you don’t bother to reply. He messages, “Good nite. Sweet dreams.”

Next day early morning you check your whatsapp and you see a message. “Hi, Good Morning.” You don’t reply. In the afternoon, you get a message AGAIN saying, "Hi, how is your day going?” 

You think — Really? I didn’t even meet you, or talk to you. Hellllloo, I just replied to a few of your messages. And you want to know how my day is going. Please for heaven's sake, LEAVE ME ALONE. 

Your relatives, family friends meet you on various occasions. And there comes the hot topic- “When are you getting married?” It's not like you don’t want to get married but you are just not yet finding someone compatible with you. They tell you, you look young. But the fact is your are getting old.

Your kakus/maushis/atyas come and visit you. One of your aunts tells you a story of her sister-in-law. She says, "My sister-in-law got married early but for some reason they didn’t plan to have a baby earlier. And later she had a lot of problems conceiving. Finally, after a lot of efforts she gave birth to a son. Thankfully!"

At that moment you want to shout out loud, saying — I have other problems to solve and I don’t really want to think so much about the future. Please I really don’t want to discuss my sexual life and family planning with you.

I can take care of myself. And I'm proud of it. Yes I drive down to the doctor all by myself even when I'm down with fever. And in the worst case scenario, my friends are just a phone call away to help me. So folks, I know you are my well wishers, but please don’t worry so much about me. I am an independent woman and I know how to live my life.

Just for my family's sake, I can't play with my future. I'm extremely sorry for that. 

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