You Can Call Me Old-School But Love Is More Than Coffee And Instagram

Anonymous Anonymous in Bakkar. Chai. Sutta on 2 June, 2018

I was so inspired by the series “Chasing Life” that I was glued to my laptop for a whole week till I completed the entire series. I could relate well to the characters be it April’s emotions or the way Leo defined how to lead life.

But I couldn’t understand what people felt about this feeling, this emotion called “Love” until I felt and figured it out myself.

I am writing this solely at my own discretion, as people may have a different opinion and I completely respect it. You may call me an old-school person because of the way I look at things but trust me; people like me still exist in this world. We’re living in a time when casual dating, flings and one-night stands have become the norm and the real meaning of love is lost.

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The meaning of love has been reduced to nothing more than lust.

We often see people hooking up easily after a single date or within a few minutes and at the end, this short-lived relationship breaks at the same speed that it was initiated. But for me, the word 'love' has a different definition altogether.

I was just 17 when I fell for an IITian. He was the lead guitarist of a band and a complete nerd, just like I was at that time. I called it ‘nerdy love’.

I actually didn’t know what love was or what it meant; I was just going by the definition and things depicted in Bollywood movies.
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You feel an attraction and you fall for that person, which is followed by the guy proposing to you in the most romantic way and showering you with love letters, mushy texts, chocolates, flowers etc. Phew! At that time, I was too young to know what it really meant.

Love is not easy, it comes with too many sacrifices and adjustments and most importantly, it requires respect, understanding, and loyalty.

I lived my fairy tale love story for a long time, almost four years. I began to think that this was it; I’d spend my whole life with him and we would always remain this cutie pie, choco pie, honey munch kind of couple. Please give me a break, I was young and in love!

I believed that if my guy was possessive, it meant that he truly loved me and if he spoke to me 24x7, it meant that he gave me priority over everything else.

But as we grew up and started focusing on our careers, I realized that these things were a waste of time. Imagine wasting all that money on recharging my phone just to text him all day, when I could actually use the money to have a great meal or buy a relevant book. We were struggling to live in our dream world when in reality; we couldn’t even stand on our own feet.

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I learned things the hard way but I did.

I learned that life is not a fairy tale and not everything will happen the way you imagine or plan. Things will fall apart and you need to accept them the way they come.

You need to know yourself first before giving yourself to someone. You need to set your priorities before you let someone be your priority.

I know it's very easy to say that we shouldn’t keep any expectations but when you are in a relationship, expectations come automatically because you need the attention of your lover whether you are sad or happy. You want him/her to be the first person to know about anything and everything that happens in your life.

They say you cannot plan when you fall in love because you never know when and how it happens.

The time you least expect it is when it happens and you take time to understand it, especially when you let the person go away from you.

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If ever you let someone go and that person comes back to you; think twice before accepting him/her, because if they truly loved you, they wouldn’t have left you in the first place.

Never let yourself be used by someone for his or her selfish needs. For me, love is constant, it’s about loyalty even when the other person is not present. It is a commitment that keeps the relationship intact.

It is not having a cup of coffee at Starbucks or posting pictures on Instagram. You need to live the moments deep within yourself than projecting it to the world.

It is when you hold each other’s hands, take a stroll at midnight or can laugh together for hours till your jaw hurts. Love is when you respect each other’s personal space and profession.

It is when you understand how different you are from each other yet you accept one another for who they really are.

For me, love is seeing that person once in a year but holding on to those memories for days. Love is when you remember that person every day and miss them so much that you re-read old conversations and smile. Love is when you are always there for that person in times of need, maybe not physically, but always in a supporting way.

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Love is when you’ve had a rough day and one message from that person charges you up.

You may encounter many people who are probably the best in appearance, fame or other things but there is just one person with whom you connect almost instantly. That spark is different.

I hate how people sneak into each other’s phones or share passwords just to pretend that they trust each other. Why do we forget that each person has his or her individuality even when they are in a relationship? Yes, your presence is required but it does not need to be clingy or constant, keeping a watch on every step that your partner takes.

It is when you don’t need constant reassurance.

When you are not insecure if your partner goes out with friends of the opposite and when you give him or her space to grow in life. Love is when you’re always there to encourage and push your partner for the better, keeping ego aside.

I’m not against pre-marital sex but often I have seen when people break up, they tend to play the blame game and claim that the other person used them. If that was the case, then why did you get laid in the first place?

Didn’t you also enjoy the time that the other person did?

I have seen guys or girls in a one-sided love story where they never expressed their feelings or when they did and got rejected. In anger, they have lashed out and tarnished the other person’s name. They’ve used his or her weakest points and gone all out to damage the person who was once their friend. But that is not love.

Love is true only when you can keep the sanctity of your bond intact.

It is when you can trust the other person without thinking twice and try to help each other and have an open and honest conversation. When you can be yourself without the fear of being judged by the other person. When you try to improve a person and stand by them when they struggle to battle imperfections.

Love happens when your heart and emotions connect, without the burden of external perfections.

You happily accept the person irrespective of their face, height or anything else.

For me, love is about treasuring the moments like secretly holding hands below the books in the library, holding hands while crossing the road, singing songs in the worst of your voice and laughing out loud. I still believe in spending time sitting on a rooftop and star gazing, having pani puri late at night and ice cream while getting drenched in the rain. Small gestures mean so much more than showing off how good you are to the world.

You don’t have to announce what your ‘bae’ is doing for you or how much he/ she loves you. It’s your personal life, so keep it personal.

True love is not about pointing out things like, “I did so much for you”. You cannot calculate love in terms of monetary value or material things and if you did, then you never truly loved. It’s about giving without counting or expecting anything in return.

When someone is in love with you, they will love you every day, it is unconditional, it is the attraction that you feel towards that one individual. When they give you a hug and everything in the world looks great because someone is there for you.

True love gives you wings to fly high and dream big.

True love is empowerment. It gives you a direction; it makes you fall in love with yourself and makes you a stronger and better person every day. It takes me back to the lyrics of ‘Grow Old With You’ from the Wedding Singer.

"I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad,

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad,

All I wanna do is grow old with you."

"I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches,

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks,

Oh, it could be so nice, growing old with you."

But first, fall in love with yourself only then will you understand whom you wish to give your share of love.
Editor's Note:

Love is not about the fairy tales we read or the movies we see. It is difficult, it is unconditional and it is real. Do share this story if you agree that true love is not easy but when it happens, it changes you for the better.