I am no fan of Shahid Kapoor. We share nothing except the fact that we are both extremely good looking. So, I seriously have no interest in defending the guy, especially with my ex being in love with him.
That being said, the letter titled "Son, Please Don't Let Shahid Kapoor Be A Lesson To You" made as much sense as going on a jalebi-only diet to lose weight.
1. We discourage slut-shaming. We say "don't judge a girl's character by her relationship history" yet Shahid's character is brought into question because of his relationship history.
2. If we make what happens between two consenting adults Mira and Shahid, be it childbirth or marriage, our business to condemn and protest, then what right do we have of demanding gay couples be left alone?
3. With what authority do we fight for women's right to abort babies when we cannot even give them the right to have babies? The author acted like Mira was Shahid's pawn. That Shahid made her have a baby and she had no say in it. The author also assumed that having a baby or being married somehow means Mira's ability to see the world has come to a halt. You will find a vegan in a tikka shop before you find logic in that point. The author also completely ignored the fact that 22 to 34 are biologically best years for a healthy offspring.
The above points perfectly sums up what I call the 'Intrusive Aunty culture'. Replace Shahid with your everyday desi girl and that's exactly what they have to live through: judgement and intrusion that tries to undermine their individuality.
Society has its place, but it must keep it's dictation over individuals to the minimum. And what is society, dear author? You and me. The author pretty much implied he knew what was good for Mira better than her, and that is exactly how oppression begins. The moment you think you know better, than someone, how they should be living their life; you are closer than ever to oppressing them.
All that is left for you then is to have the power to make them bend to your will. You will oppress them and all the while think you're doing it for their benefit. This is a dangerous line of thinking.
Here is my letter to my would-be son about marriage:
Arranged marriage is when your parents are your wingmen.
But it also has a beautiful traditional element that can be carried into a love marriage.
If you fall in love with someone, me and your mom would like to have the
honor of asking her parents formally after you have proposed to her in person.
Also, you don't need celebrities as role models. I will try my best to be the best husband to your mom so you learn from me.
P.S. Text me back, I can see the blue ticks."
I will conclude this post by saying, try to be less judgmental.
Liberal or conservative, try to not impose your judgement on others. Because one less judgmental person today means at least one more free soul tomorrow.
This post was submitted by Ibrahim Hanif.