Life gives you what you deserve not what you have desire. Perhaps life has its own theory of expectation vs reality.
For the first time in my life, I did what I shouldn’t have done to her. I feel guilty for being me. I feel guilty for not being true to her. I feel guilty for hurting her. I’m tired of being myself all my life. I’m tired of pleasing everyone around me. I’m tired of being responsible for everything. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being subjective. I’m tired of being judged. I’m tired of being sensitive. I’m tired of being emotional. I’m tired of being depressed.
I don’t feel any happiness within me. I don’t feel the excitement of being alive. I don’t foresee any purpose in being alive.
I wasn’t allowed to love, to marry the girl of my choice, to end my life. Why? I desperately want to be out of this and I only see that the solution is death. Death is the continuity of life where the sky meets the land, where love has no boundaries, where sleep is peaceful and relieves you from all memories and pain. That new life will be filled with passion and fun.
Death is a new beginning of life, death is the karma of my miseries, death is the dharma of my miseries, death is the only way to unite with the oneness of the god, death is a peace, death is a bliss, death is a dream, death is a deep sleep, death is rejoice, death is me, me is death, death is silence. Depression kills not only you, but depression also kills your self-confidence too. It doesn't just end one life, it takes many lives of yours in one go. Write when you're depressed, read when you are alive. Yes, I'm depressed but for me, death is not a solution but it may be the beginning of a new life which I haven’t seen yet. So why to be depressed, love yourself, because time changes. Let’s fight against the negativity around, let’s be united for being loved. Go outlive your life at the fullest, you haven’t seen the world yet.
It’s still beautiful with you and me, let’s make this world more beautiful with positivity.