I'm Only 24: I Still Want To Live My Life Without Regrets, That's All

Anonymous Anonymous in Bakkar. Chai. Sutta on 28 February, 2018

Yes! I am 24 now and I have my own perspective on several issues that concern me. I am an independent girl who becomes adamant sometimes.

But more often than not I like to introspect about my life in general. Maybe people who are now in their 30s will be able to relate to this article in a better manner because they know how difficult it was to get through their twenties.

Most of us who are in our twenties wonder how we are going to get through this phase of our life successfully. We are neither superheroes nor are we given any critical task like fighting for someone. We don’t have to engage in sword fights or laser attacks either. We have to do nothing of this sort. That much is clear. But we have to do something which is equally challenging.

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We just have to gather the courage to fight for ourselves.

We don’t really need to be a superhero or a wonder woman to fight against the odds. And we should never ever give up on this.

Many of us are yearning to create an identity of our own.

Most of us wonder about things like ‘what gives me happiness?’ If someone were to ask me this kind of a question I would laugh out loud like a mad human being. I don’t think happiness is like anger or frustration which accompanies you throughout the day like a close acquaintance.

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For me, happiness has always been a fleeting state of mind and heart.

My family has always been proud of me and my achievements. They are happy because their daughter is working in a reputed media house and is earning a good sum of money. They are glad that I am working on a 10 – 6 shift. They are relieved that I carry a compact tiffin -box with me every day. They are highly satisfied with my current position in my life and are very pleased with the fact that my daily commute is just a regular auto ride. My office is just 10 minutes away from my house and my ‘safety’ gives my family a lot of comforts.

Wow! What else does a 24-year-old girl need in this modern day and age where even a 3-year-old is in danger of getting raped! We really cannot blame anyone for this kind of thinking because our society has become like this over the past few years.

But is that all there is to a girl’s life?

Should we be happy that we have a ‘safe’ job? I know some people think that I am lucky. Safety is important. I don’t deny this. But should we let a single word called ‘safety’ ruin our dreams?

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Basically, I think I am sick of my life.

I am not against my dad or my dad’s thoughts. I know how much he has changed himself and his perspectives for my sake.  I will always be grateful to him for trusting me so much. I am very proud of the fact that I was the first person to step out of our house in order to pursue my dreams. But I have one simple question for all our seniors who think that ‘safety’ is a top priority. 

How can we guarantee that the 10-minute ride that we take on our daily commute is ‘safe’?

I am against this kind of thinking. In fact, I think there is no happiness or satisfaction in this kind of safety. My dad has never discriminated against me or my thinking. He has never told me that a girl should not do this or that.

But he always tries to make me change my mind by saying that he does not favour my decision.

My dad cherishes the feeling of satisfaction that he gets every time he gets me something that I never asked for. But I don’t feel too happy about such gestures. I would have loved to buy such things with my own money whenever I really needed them.

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I have my own set of dreams. And I have absolutely no intentions of running away with my boyfriend.

On the contrary, all I want to do is to run after my dreams. And all I want to do is to dream of what I want to be!

We can't really blame our seniors for thinking like this. We simply cannot ignore the generation gap between us. But I still feel that even if I were my dad's elder daughter and had been born in the mid-80s I would have definitely been the same person that I am today – a mischievous and troublesome kid who always invited problems for herself.

In fact, I still invite and will continue to invite troubles into my life.

My dad also does his best to convince me that I am happy. But I know I am not happy. And then one fine day he will suddenly say, “Hey! Sheela’s daughter is getting married. She is 24 now. She studied in your batch!” You can sense your mom staring at you coldly. My dad will coolly continue talking and say, “Look at Dharini! She is just 21 and is doing her final year now. But she said okay for that marriage proposal.” Fine! But I don’t think that all this is that big a deal.

My mom and I are almost on the same wavelength now. Both of us are scared about my future but in a very different way.
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I am pretty worried about my career, my pocket money, how to go about earning a better salary, how to get my broken DSLR lens fixed, planning my upcoming photo shoot etc. And my mom is worried about all the marriage proposals that are coming our way. I am not against marriage or against the rituals that are associated with it. I understand that both of us are really undergoing a tough phase right now.

But I don’t really see the whole point of getting married.

My parents want me to settle down before they grow old. But I think what they actually want is to see me living happily with a stranger.

And it is at such times that I wonder if this is all there is to my life.

Very often I just feel like asking my mom to chill. I want to tell her that she doesn’t have to search so much for the right person. I know that she is doing her best to filter through the millions of proposals that come her way to find the best match for me.

I feel like telling her that things will fall into place when the right time comes.

I want her to know that I am realistic enough to know that my groom will not come and whisk me away on a horse like it happens in all those fairy tales. I don’t believe that there is a Prince Charming either. On the contrary, I would be happy if my guy came along with a travel bag, a travel guide and a DSLR.

The next question that may immediately come to their minds is, ‘Have I found a guy that I actually want to spend the rest of my life with?' Well, all I can say is that is a very hypothetical question.

Right now I don’t really know what I want.

Maybe you can even give my confused state of mind a label like ‘mood swings.’ Maybe there is more to the problem that meets our eyes right now. I can’t really say much about it.

All I can say is that people who belong to my age group lack clarity in their lives.

Most of us face extreme levels of stress and are deeply unhappy with the way our lives are shaping up. Some of us are so stressed out that we may even end up breaking our iPhones because we were irked by a mosquito bite. And people of my age will vouch for the fact that I am not kidding when I say such things.

I am not complaining about my parents or ridiculing their thoughts. I do truly respect the nobility of their intentions.

I do wish I could be the perfect daughter to my parents…..but….then who will look after my dreams? I can’t create a clone to lead my life for me.

I am sure of one thing. I am happy in the space that I have created for myself and will start out from where I am right now. I am not waiting for any big opportunity to knock at my doorstep. But I do know that I do not want to lead a life of regrets.

Author's Note:

So here is a note to all the people who belong to this age group: Chase your dreams and remember that the sky is the only limit for you.

Editor's Note:

We can all dream endlessly. Dreams can keep changing from time to time. As long as our feet are firmly planted on planet earth there is absolutely no harm in chasing any or all of our dreams at any point of time in our lives. Do share this story if you too believe that one regret we should never have is that we never listened – simply listened - to the sage advice given by our experienced parents.