Dear Women, Men Aren't As Shallow As We've Imagined Them To Be

Anonymous Anonymous in Bakkar. Chai. Sutta on 28 February, 2018

Our first conversation was in an online chatroom in the summer of 2001. He was a simple guy who missed his family since he was working and living away from then in Mumbai.

Our story began 4513 miles away from one another. From the very beginning, we’ve had only differences between us; he was 12 years older than me, we were living in two different time-zones, our education was on different levels, we was slim and well, I wasn’t. Along with all this, our backgrounds were entirely different too. In four small words, we were poles apart. But as destiny would have it, after a few months of chatting, lengthy emails and hushed conversations over the phone, our heart strings had been pulled. I considered him to be one of my best friends.

He listened to everything or rather read everything I sent him, intently. He had a calming and mature influence over me.

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One day, he proposed. And I accepted. He was ecstatic. However, there was just one tiny problem, he had never seen me.

I panicked. After he saw me, I was scared that he wouldn’t love me. I didn’t know how to react so I decided to tell him that my friend replied to his email and it wasn’t me.

He was devastated.

I stopped replying to his emails and calls; this hurt him a lot. After a week, I couldn’t continue with this behaviour anymore and so I told him the truth, that I was scared that he would judge me, based entirely on my looks. He was silent and I hung up. I didn’t contact him after and his silence made me realise that he didn’t love me, not really and I knew that this would help me find peace and move on gracefully.
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A day later, he called me; I wasn’t expecting it and even hesitated before picking up. From the tone of his voice, I could make out that he was broken. He was disappointed. I felt sad.

He spoke to me about general things, but I could feel this topic hovering over our heads. I was too embarrassed to ask him about it directly. But I didn’t have to.

He mentioned it first, asked me why I had lied? Why had I sent him someone else’s photo? Why didn’t I trust him to be a mature person? More than anything, he was shocked. I knew I had betrayed him. He was the first guy who was my best friend and I shouldn’t have behaved like this with him. He asked me if I thought he was that shallow?

In my heart, I knew that he wasn’t. I had made a mistake. I realized this now, but I was scared that I was too late.

But I wasn’t the only one to blame. There was a reason I behaved the way I did, and it was entirely because of my past. I had met numerous men who wanted to meet me, who fell for me, but the minute things took a serious turn, they would run, because they couldn’t see themselves with a person who looked like me.

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And because of this, I had almost no self-esteem or confidence when it came to trusting men. I knew that there was no way to restore his faith in me. He was a genuine soul and I knew that he deserved so much better. Because of this honest dialogue that opened up between us, my admiration for him increased.

As time passed on, I didn’t know what I could give him to prove my love for him. Two months later, he called me and asked me if I knew where he was calling from. I said no. He said he was in the UK. I was shocked. He was here, where I was. He told me he was going to stay here for six months. I was speechless; could it be, that he had come for revenge?

But no.

He had come to the UK to marry me. He needed someone who could help with being the mediator while talking to my father, especially since we weren’t from the same background. Luckily, he found an uncle of mine that could help him out.

My uncle met my father and spoke to him about this man. But our fairy tale would be incomplete without a villain. And of course, that had to be my father. He was absolutely against us. By now, word had got out that there was a proposal for me and before society could speak, my father agreed and we began preparation for the wedding.

Of course, my father was still against it, during the wedding and even now, 14 years later.

We have 3 beautiful children, a lovely home, two cars, three businesses, one NHS job, 7 trips to his country, holidays in 6 different destinations around the world, but we’re still as close as we used to be. He is my life, my best friend, my husband.
Editor's Note:

Share this story, to remind each other that true love does exist and it isn't based on the way someone looks.