An Open Letter To All The Wannabe Husbands Seeking Their "Perfect" Bride

Anonymous Anonymous in Bakkar. Chai. Sutta on 22 August, 2018

Hello from a 26-year-old girl, who writes this letter with the hope that you find your "ideal and perfect" life partner, which you will find if you do not keep preconceived notions about the same. I understand the fact that parents expect a sushil sanskari bahu, who can cook, clean, and care without cribbing. All in all a good-looking maid and child raiser. 

But you my boy, who has apparently travelled the world for studies and work, and tasted the real essence of life, would know that a girl has also been there and done that.

To enter a club which doesn't permit stag entry, you needed a girl. How would you have entered that pub without one? And at every party, you sighted a hot girl with an LBD and tried your very best to impress her or buy her a drink as a conversation starter. And if you two happened to fall in love with her, you flaunted her with ease; you almost lived-in with her. And if you had the bond strong enough to get attached emotionally and physically, you thought she'd be your life partner.

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Now that you've broken up and are open for an arranged marriage set up, let the mind remain as open as it was.

You want a wife who is beautiful, slim, and fair, doesn't drink or smoke, well-educated etc. Too many expectations from one human being I must say. And if at all you manage to be open-minded enough to accept a girl as she is, you yourself need to know that you aren't a 10 on 10 to expect that from her. To be honest, you can't marry one girl who is beautiful, another who is an intellectual, a third who is fun, a fourth one who is mature blah blah. Prioritize, Mister!

Before you enter the most life-changing phase of your life, at least know what you want from your life partner.

If you do not know what you want, at least be sure of what you do not want. After your career, maybe this is the next major decision you are taking, but don't be a kid in the body of a 28/30-year-old man. Come on, if you keep seeing girls every week I'm sure every girl might be better than the other or may not be like the previous one. You order five dishes at a restaurant since you want to try them all but you cannot eat even one satisfactorily. Either you waste the others or you compare and choose which is the best of them all. No matter how much I wish I didn't want to compare us girls to those dishes at a restaurant, but you been doing that to us.  You'll never come to a conclusion and you'll keep hurting people unknowingly or knowingly.

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Get real, if you want to marry because you too want a life partner, a friend for life, go ahead.

But if you want to marry because it's the age or your parents want you to marry, stop right there. You have no right whatsoever to involve another heart and soul in this immature act of yours. She and her family have a lot of hopes from you and yours, if not live up to them, at least gather the courage to own up to what you are feeling and let her move ahead.

Stop trying to tie down other people's wings for your own confused state of mind.

Be the man you'd want your sister to marry! Be the man you'd want your future daughter to be with! Have the balls to say a yes or a no instead of leaving a girl in dilemma. Let that girl go with a feeling that maybe we aren't suited for each other, but hope he finds the girl of his choice, instead of a girl crying and cursing him for the emotional turmoil and an unwanted, unsaid breakup. This might hold true for the brides to be as well, but I write my view at this point.

Editor's Note:

Share this story, because this is definitely an eye-opener for both brides and grooms. And we need more people thinking alike.