When I was single, I had a few restrictions imposed by my parents and most of the time, I was told "shadi ke bad karna". Whenever I wanted to go out with friends, or wanted to have some fun in my life.
Two years ago, I got married. I was in my late twenties and it was an arranged marriage. Thereafter, I came to a new city to live with my husband and his parents. My in laws are very old and before my marriage I had thought to myself that I will love them and will take care of them like my own parents. When I started living with them, trust me I did everything to make them happy. Initially, they were sweet, but it didn't take much time for them to show their true colours. Me being stupid, blamed myself that I am not able to make them happy even though they were so great. But soon I realized, that that was my assumption.
My mother in law is obsessed with her son.
When I came to this house everything was new for me. My husband loved me but he didn't understand my pain when I waited for him in our room for hours while he kept sitting outside, talking to his mother after coming back from work. At that time, he was in night shift and would come home very late. In a new married life, specially in an arranged set up, a couple should spend quality time with each other but in my case everything was different. My mother in law is so obsessed with her son that she never liked us spending any time together. If we went out somewhere, even about very small things, she always had issues.
She has three daughters, who always try to take control of my life as they are elder to my husband. My mother in law always compared me with her 'eligible' daughters and according to her I am nothing compared to them. But, reality is that I am better than them in everything, whether it's cooking, cleaning, dressing sense, or anything else. I know she can never accept this reality.
I never understood one thing. Why am I expected to live like the way my sister in laws are living in their families? Two of them had love marriage. They chose to live in very orthodox families. But I had not chosen it. In fact I expected this family to be liberal and before our wedding my mother made it clear to my sisters in law. They were told that I would continue working and I could wear whatever I want to; and they assured my mother that I will have every comfort and freedom. But I guess I understood at the very start that this was not real.
But, I loved my husband and adjusted. I made sure that my mother in law gets everything without moving. I took care of every small thing but for her I don't do anything.
I miss my husband even when living with him in one home.
All thanks to my mother in law. Also, they think that my husband did a favor to me by marrying me. They would tell me how he rejected so many more deserving girls and married me but the reality is I too had rejected so many guys just to not end up with this kind of family.
Unfortunately, things I have always hated in my whole life are now part of my own life.
I am always under the radar and whenever there is a function in the family all the judgmental eyes turn towards me, and start giving their opinions. If I forget to wear a bangle, or to put bindi they make me feel like I have committed the biggest crime.
My sisters in law bad-mouth about me to my husband constantly. To add insult to injury, my husband in his quest to be a good son and responsible brother never takes a stand for me. Regardless, I try to forget all that my mother in law does, and be happy in every situation. I choose to think, it's her old age but, one thing that she told me on next day of my birthday I would never forget.
She said, "you just have to cook you are not doing anything ".
At that time I was working in a small firm where I would work for ten hours. I would wake up in morning and prepare breakfast and lunch and made sure to complete every bit of home chores so that my mother in law had to do nothing. I would come home around 8:30 and right after I would go to kitchen to prepare dinner but even then, she told me that I didn't do anything! This was a shock for me and after that I started maintaining distance and keeping quiet.
Now, I just do my duties. I don't have any love or affection for them. It's hard to forgive. Does it give a privilege to do anything with your daughter in law when you are old? I don't understand. Thank God my husband understands me otherwise I wouldn't have been able to live with it.