It was valentine's day and I had nobody to wish as usual. As I was an innocent, studious and obedient child, 14th Feb was just a normal day for me. That time I had my final exams coming up. I met Muhafiz on Facebook. His profile picture grabbed my attention. I went though his profile and without thinking twice, sent him a request.
The same night he accepted my request and pinged me. "You know you look awesome in that saree,” texted Muhafiz. "Awww thanks, I like your dp too." That’s how we started chatting.
I knew that he was 39 years old, married and had two kids. Despite all of all, we continued chatting and exchanged numbers soon after.
Gradually, we became best friends. He started spending his time with me on social media. On the other hand, he felt like he was losing his wife. She stayed in another state with her children. Sometimes he would tell me, "abhi sara din pata nahi kyu main tumhare baare me sochta hu, mujhe afsos hai is baat pe."
As I was an introvert, I had very few good friends. Having a friend like Muhafiz, felt special and I couldn't resist my urge to be with him. After one month of chatting, we started skyping. From morning to night, secretly and silently, we spent long hours watching each other. We didn’t say a word, just looked at each other.
One night he was on video call with me. He said, "aise dekhte dekhte pyaar na ho jaaye." I confidently said, "hush, never."
I had an exam the following day and had to study all night so Muhafiz stayed up with me even though he had work the next day. We did this everyday till my exams got over. Now, I had a long vacation after my finals. As time passed by, we got closer and started behaving like a couple. We rarely fought, we romanced and we teased each other.
We were going strong and our illegal, unconditional, holy love which is called 'extra marital' became a complete relationship. The 17 year old school girl fell in love with a 39 year old man. Just because love has no age, it never felt like we were doing anything wrong. We shared everything with each other.
Around this time his wife and children came to meet him. But he didn't leave me. He took the risk of chatting with me in front of his wife. Meanwhile, his wife started doubting him as she felt he wasn’t the same with her.
One night they went to bed for sex and by mistake I texted him and sent him my photo. His wife went and got the phone. She knew the phone lock pattern and opened it. She saw my photo; she neither shouted nor reacted, just slapped Muhafiz and burst into tears. After three days she left.
She neither had much education nor money. I felt so sorry for her that I thought I was a sinner. But couldn't help myself and I left him. After his wife's departure he met me one evening. We went on a long drive followed by dinner. He proposed to me, "I want only you, nothing else. In my youth I met so many girls but you possessed my heart."
A deep silence conquered us. He said those three magical words to me, "I love you". He had tears in his eyes. We wanted to kiss each other, hug each other.
He was hesitating because of our age difference but promised me, I will have him one day. The next day, he sent me a message, "hey darling, I love you more than anything but I have my family, I have some duties. It's my last message to you. Please don't call or text me back. I'm gonna block you."
It was like I became a widow the day after my marriage. I was broken, badly hurt and stressed. 3 months passed by and I got into a relationship with a boy. One evening I got a call from an unknown number, "Bani,is that you? Please come back, I can't stay without you." I understood it was him and broke into tears. After an hour of chatting he melted my heart. My boyfriend didn't know anything as he trusted me blindly. I always lied to him and fooled him; I chatted with Muhafiz all night long.
Muhafiz, my boyfriend and I were happy. I balanced both sides. Sometimes I felt like a cheater but I was so desperate to have Muhafiz with me that I was ready to take any step. One day Muhafiz invited me to his house for lunch. When I reached there. I realized it was empty and only he was there. He greeted me and suggested me to get fresh. Then he laid the table beautifully and asked me to be seated.
We started chatting about various things. Mostly, I was silent and he was talking. The place was totally new to me. I was just staring at his family photo again and again. I sighed when he left the room to bring something. He was talking rapidly but I wasn't listening to anything. Suddenly I asked him to shut up. He murmured, "I promised you something."
As I turned around, his lips pressed against my lips and we kissed. I felt so comfortable that I hugged him. I forgot everything; who he is. Who I am. It was the first time I was having sex with anyone and I didn't have much of an idea about protection.
Suddenly I felt a painful penetration. I gifted my virginity to the man I loved. It was my first time and I was quite tired and with this I returned home. Since we hadn’t used protection, I was really scared of getting pregnant so I kept asking him what to do. He got annoyed but I just decided to consume a pill anyway. The very next day he became normal and I felt so loved. I was damn sure that he won't leave me.
I wasn’t excited about love anymore; the world became totally different after losing my virginity. I became a lady. The secret of love was revealed to me that day and I just wanted to get out of this dark relationship. I was regretting everything. One day I told Muhafiz how I felt and asked him to leave me, he said he can’t but he’ll try. Gradually, the name Muhafiz disappeared from my life.
I deleted his number and from that day onward he blocked me, I still haven't got any messages from him. I never tried to trace him but his memories still haunt me. I was glad I came out of such an abnormal relationship but he will always be ‘my first man’. I still can’t think of being with another man. I pray to God, he gives me Muhafiz in my next life. But Muslims do not believe in rebirth.