Dear Mr. Ex, I Am Not Sorry

Niki Khanwaria Niki Khanwaria in Stolen Diaries on 26 July, 2020

Mr ex,

I hope you still remember me. I hope you remember the girl with whom you have played more mind games than Ekta Kapoor does in he serials. I have a lot to say. I can send you a text and can let you know about it but I would like everyone out there to know what you actually are.

You decided to pursue me and I was dumb enough to fall for those tricks of yours. I am still thankful to you for the support of a changed me. Trust me, I had a lot of respect for you in the past but now, no matter how good I want to be, I can never forgive you for all those things you have done to me.
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When we met for the first time I thought I was really lucky to meet a guy with such a good heart and face. But it turned out to be my nightmare.

When you had met that girl, you decided to keep me as an option. Then you decided to make a decision for me, that I wanted to wait for you without even asking if I want that or not. When you told me that you came to Delhi not for my father's death, but in the hope of meeting that girl. When you confessed about all those lies. I lost all the respect that I had for you.

When you asked for a last chance, I thought you would change. I thought it's fine, everyone deserves a second chance but again you proved me wrong. You decided to turn this into a nightmare.

When you decided to treat me as a rebound, did it ever click in your mind that you were asking for one of the most precious things for a girl. Did you ever felt guilty?

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When we went on a date and you kept on looking at the girls sitting on the next table. When you criticized me for my looks. When you told me I will look better in straight hair. When you told me the girl from your past was prettier. When we'd be out and you would always seem to notice no. of girls looking at you; I realized I was just a way for you to feel better.

I realized you had never loved me, and you are not even guilty about all the things you have done to me. You made me question my own worth.

When I decided to leave and you tried to put me on a guilt trip. I want to say I am not sorry for leaving you. I am not sorry if I have wasted 4 months in making up my mind to leave you. Because, you have given me insecurities, you have asked me to question my own worth. You have given me scars which will make me judge everyone. They have had a deeper influence in my life than I had thought.

At last, I would like you to know I can never forgive you. I refuse to be the good girl with a heart big enough to let this go, because I just can't.

Yours truly,

A girl who loved you with all her heart.

Editor's Note:

How do we lose so much of ourselves in our relationships that our sense of self worth starts getting affected. There is a need to learn from one's experiences and move forward. Share these stories so someone somewhere, can gather the strength to do that.