Dear Ex-Crush, It's Over Between Us: I'm Going To Stop Chasing You Now

Anonymous Anonymous in Stolen Diaries on 26 April, 2017

Yes, you are gone.
I won’t see you anymore.
I won’t run into you anymore.
I won’t go to your academic blocks to see you, anymore.
I won’t eat next to where you ate, anymore.
I won’t go to the field where you went, anymore.
I won’t sit where you used to sit, anymore.
I won’t blush or smile when a guy passes in front of me, anymore.
I won’t wait after my dinner to see a glimpse of you, anymore.
I won’t be afraid to laugh like a fool, thinking what you might think about me, anymore.
I won’t make stupid excuses to look at you, anymore.
I won’t get jealous from the girl you used to roam around with, anymore.
I won’t find reasons to text you, anymore.
I won’t be able to love someone as much as I loved you, anymore.
I won’t be able to give my 100% to someone, anymore.
I won’t be able to see guys with beard and not think of you, anymore.
I won’t be able to hear your name and not think about you, anymore.
I won’t be able to live here without you, anymore.

I won’t be able to let you go because I won’t let you take me away from me, anymore.  

Dear Ex-Crush, 

I will not write your name but by now you already know that I am talking about you. I am calling you an “Ex Crush” because you are gone but this is not entirely true because I can't stop liking or thinking of you as mine. I am writing this to tell you about things that I never got a chance to say.

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You were never my choice but somehow you became my priority.

Even though you weren’t a part of our so-called group, you were always in our talks through the secret code names we used to refer to you with. I always thought that my crush on you was really stupid and it’ll pass with time but it never did.

Whatever we had in our non-existent relationship was all in my head, which never turned to reality. I barely knew you, yet I was so amazed by you that it scared me. I was kind of addicted. I felt vulnerable every time you were around.

I was always scared to talk to you. I used every possible way to talk to you but I never had the courage and I think you know it by now. After a lot of thinking and gathering my courage, I started a conversation with you on Facebook once and in the beginning it went great but later I realised that the only conversations we had were about things I asked you, you just replied.

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I envied the people who could easily talk to you or be around you. Crazy right? I know. I tried every thing to get your attention and I did. Didn’t I? Thinking about you gives me chills even today.

Love, I had too many heartbreaks and I was not ready for another one but it did break me eventually. I don’t blame you. I feel like I’m just setting myself up for failure.*Every time*

I will stop chasing you now. I will stop thinking about you. It is insane what you can do to me just by looking at me. You affected me that much. You once said, “I am over relationship and stuff”, and yet you have a girlfriend now who visits college frequently and look at me, I was trying to snatch something away from her. I am not. I am done trying.

Sometimes, I lead myself on. I plan out things in my head and prepare for the future together. I don’t know why I do that, I just can’t help it. I enjoy being around you and I see US together even though we never will be.

Sometimes I feel too much and I feel like sharing my story with you but you’ll never understand because maybe it is easy for you to get a girl of your choice. You're quite a charmer yourself and I am nowhere close to where you belong. Well at last, the only thing that breaks me is, you never even noticed the efforts I made.

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You kept ignoring and I kept on hoping like a lovesick puppy but it all ends now. I hope you and your “Girlfriend” have a happy life together because whatever happens, you’ll always matter to me and I want you to be happy. Finally, I can move on because you’re gone. We’ll probably cross each other's paths soon.
By then, I’ll be over you.