When I Was 17, I Just Wanted To Study, Not Send Him Nudes

Anonymous Anonymous in Dirty Picture on 5 July, 2018

I belong to a highly conservative Hindu family. We moved to a different city every 3 years. I was not even allowed to talk to a guy.

I was a very chirpy 16-year-old girl. I was always happy. I loved being around people.

I had just one boyfriend who was also my best friend. He studied in my class. We had been best friends for 4 years. He did everything to make me feel special. It took me 3 years to fall in love with him.

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He was the first love of my life and I started dreaming of being with him throughout my life. But I was too shy to tell him about this.

I got a glimpse of his anger and jealousy quite frequently when we studied together.

But I was in love with him so I ignored all these red flags. This is what ruined our relationship later on.

It took me a year to overcome my shyness and gather the courage to tell him about my feelings. He said he felt the same way about me. We then entered into a relationship. Things were dreamy and perfect for a few months.

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I was 17 now. My parents were pressurizing me to focus on my academics so that I could pursue a career of my choice. But I could balance my love with my studies. I would sleep early and wake up early the next day because my exams were approaching.

But he would want to have “physical talk with me” in the night. Initially, I thought this was normal. I thought he loved me so he was expressing his needs to me.

I would ask him to focus on his academics too so that he could pursue a career of his choice. I told him that we could create an independent future for ourselves if we studied properly now.

I loved him with all my heart and wished he would listen to me.

One day, I was studying when my phone buzzed. He said, “You are a very selfish person. You just care about your career. You are very ambitious.” I couldn’t believe that he could even think of me like that. I would always support him when he studied. And I assumed that he too would support me when I wanted to focus on my academics.

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But he was calling me selfish.

The next red flag came when he sent me another message.

He now asked me to give up my studies for him.

I tried to make him understand that I had to study for my family. But I could not convince him. I just dropped the matter and focussed on my exams. I thought we could always sort out our issues later on. When the results came, I had passed with good marks but he had secured just passing marks. I did not tell him anything. I just accepted him and supported him during this low phase.

I encouraged him to work hard but now he was pushing me away by saying that I was showing off because I got good marks.

I got a glimpse of his jealous streak again when he did not even congratulate me on my success.

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I was so blindly in love with him that I let even this pass.

I also knew that he was not keeping good company. I warned him about this several times but he did not listen to me. He thought I did not like his friends.

He trusted his friends more than he trusted his girlfriend.

One evening, I saw him seeing something with his friends on his mobile. I went to them and asked them what they were doing. But they just quickly hid their phones and refused to tell me what they were doing. I now started having my doubts about him.

A few days later one of my friends told me that my boyfriend and his other friends watched porn on their phones.

I was shocked. I asked her if she had any proof. She said she had no proof but she had just heard them talking about it.

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I was so blindly in love with him that I did not listen to her. I paid a heavy price for this later on.

Now my boyfriend started demanding that I send him my nude pictures. When I refused to do this he stopped talking to me. The next day when he called me he said the same thing. He said he wanted my nudes. He kept asking me for such things every day. I tried to make him understand things.

I told him not to spoil our beautiful relationship. But he now started blackmailing me.

He said if I didn’t give him the nudes he would break up with me. His demands started increasing every day.

One day he asked me to sleep with him and have unprotected intercourse with him. I was barely 17 years old at that time. I refused. So he stopped talking to me.

After a few days, I got a call from one of my friends. She said that my boyfriend was roaming around with another girl in our class. She said she had seen them holding hands together. I was shattered. When I confronted him I was shocked to hear his reply.

He said he was going out with her only because I did not agree to his demands.

Our conversations now became less frequent. One day I got a call from him. He demanded that I recharge his phone. He was now taking his own time to reply to me and I was now having my doubts about him.

I wanted him to earn his own money and understand the value of money.

I could have easily recharged the phone for him. It was not that big a deal for me but he now started torturing me and asking me for money. So I refused. He shouted at me and told me that he knew I would do this. He then disconnected the call. The next day, a mutual friend told me that she had seen him going to a restaurant with another girl.

He was giving her a treat but he had never spent a single penny on me.

The next red flag came as an even bigger shock. I had gained weight because I studied for long hours. I had multiple health problems and my weight was just aggravating my problems. I had become fat. When I opened my Facebook account and saw the pictures that he had uploaded with that girl – I was dumbstruck.

I noticed that his new girlfriend had maintained her body properly.

So I called one of my classmates to ask about her. She sent me some pictures and I was shocked to see that the girl was sleeping around with different boys every week. She was smoking and drinking too. I wanted to send those pictures to my boyfriend.

I wanted to make him realize that he was doing the wrong thing by being in her company.

When I finally told him about those pictures, he said, “You are so fat and ugly. You don’t give me sex or fulfil me.” He then left me after saying this. He had tortured me, blackmailed me, body shamed me and cheated on me. I am so hurt now that I know that I will never be able to open up again to anyone again.

I later came to know that my boyfriend too had slept with that girl.

He wanted me to do such things with him. He did not want me as a person. He betrayed my trust. I will never be able to trust guys again.

I had known him for 6 years but it took me more than 6 years to overcome my first bitter experience.

My health improved on its own after a couple of years. Today I am back in shape. I do forge bonds now. But every relationship breaks up due to these reasons.

Why don’t our parents guide us or give us sex education or make us aware of such things?  Why is discussing sex a taboo in our society?  We are told to control ourselves till we get married. But men have started demanding for sex in their relationships. Today all relationships end with physical intimacy.

Guys are forcing girls to get intimate with them or they leave them.

Why do men think that they are entitled to such things? Do they care a damn if the girl gets pregnant or ruins her career or is treated like an outcast by her parents and the society? Will she not become a burden on others if any/all of this happens to her? Is a woman just an object? Are we just supposed to fulfil the expectations of our boyfriends?

Editor's Note:

No one can really take advantage of us without our permission. But often love wreaks havoc in our lives and we are unable to take a stand for ourselves. We don’t want to lose out on a relationship because it means a lot to us. But not all relationships are worth our while. Let’s learn to be happy in our own skins and refrain from comparing ourselves with others. Let’s share this story and learn to say “No” with complete confidence in ourselves.