Everything was going so well in my life. I’m in a relationship for the last five years now and I love my boyfriend so much. But of course, anything can happen, and that’s something no one prepares us for in our life. One day, I got a message from one of my batch mates. I had never spoken to him in college, so I found it surprising that he reached out to me now. We spoke about where I work, stay, what I was doing in life and other generic things. He had recently shifted to my city and wanted to know if I would be interested in meeting him for coffee.

I said it’d would be fine and before we met, we began chatting on WhatsApp. It was here that he found out that I was in a relationship and he confessed that he was hoping it’d be otherwise. He said he had a crush on me since college. I was surprised when I heard this; there were absolutely no hints through our college life.

He asked me if this would change my mind, and if I would like to decline his invitation to coffee. I said no, somehow gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him that I’d still be okay to meet. He stayed in Gurgaon and I was in Noida. He came to meet one of his friends in Noida, so he said he could meet me later on.

I was oddly nervous but agreed and we went to the nearest ‘24*7’. He told me everything, about how he wanted to date me and how he really liked me and that I should give him a chance. I had nothing to say and told him that I didn’t feel the same way.

To this, all he said was he’d do anything to get me to change my mind. To be honest, the fact that he wasn’t manipulating me, but also telling me what his thoughts and intentions were. He told me how he felt and what he wanted from me, and he was pretty clear that he wasn’t going to be friend-zoned. Eventually, he kept hitting on me and told me that he was desperate to kiss me, passionately. All of what he was saying was melting my heart.

So, one night, I messaged him and told him that I want him, once. We decided to meet at night because it was easier for him to travel to Noida at night when there wasn’t any traffic. I knew that I was making things complicated, but I still wanted to meet him, and no, I didn’t know why I was doing this.

I wanted to kiss him, just as passionately as I knew he wanted to. When he picked me up, we drove all the way back to Gurgaon. I enjoyed the long drive, no I loved it. We spoke about so many things; we had such a great conversation. When we reached his place, he opened a bottle of rum and we kept on talking through the night. And then yes, it happened. We kissed.

We kissed each other all night and yes, this is the harsh truth, that after dating my boyfriend for five years, this kiss that I had with this man on this rum-soaked night, it was the best one I had had.

But after this, that’s when everything changed.

I found myself thinking about him a lot, the next day and I since I had prepared myself to never talk to him again, I hated myself for texting him and telling him that I liked him.

I said goodbye to him, but he didn’t reply. To none of my messages. I decided to wait a day and messaged him again, this time asking him why he wasn’t replying. He said that he can’t say goodbye and that he was hurt. When I asked him why especially since now I told him that I liked him back. I was even more surprised when he told me that he needed a break from me, for the next ten to fifteen days.

I knew he was checking my WhatsApp statuses and so I kept changing them, only for him. Earlier, he used to reply and comment on them, but now it was the opposite. I realized that in those days that I can’t live without talking to him.

So instead of keeping my ego and self-respect aside, I messaged him once again. But this time it was all in reverse: I was texting him and he took his own time to reply. I miss the old conversation and the passion that he had for me. I couldn’t understand why things had changed so badly. I loved the way we connected, the way we had long conversations. I don’t know why or how things changed, but they had and his ignorance was disturbing me.

I want to move on, with my boyfriend especially, but it seems difficult and my days are just getting worse.

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