I’m a 21-year-old guy who has lost interest in love after a girl tore my heart into a million pieces. It all started in 2014 when I joined college to pursue engineering. I belong to a middle-class family and was under tremendous pressure to perform well in my studies.

However, like most of us, I too dreamt of finding my soulmate in college.

I was an ordinary looking guy with almost no past experience of interacting with girls. I was too shy to talk to them.

Just a few days after joining college, a beautiful girl caught my attention in the mess. We made eye contact and then she left the place.

I knew that I didn’t stand a chance with her, as she was too beautiful for someone like me.

Yet, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about her on a daily basis. My eyes kept searching for her just to get another glance at her pretty face. I told my friend about her and he helped me gather information about my mystery girl. I discovered that she was from Himachal as was I.

I was the kind of guy who was nervous to send her a friend request on Facebook let alone talk to her.

Months passed by and finally, one day, I gathered the courage to send her a friend request. She accepted it almost instantaneously. It took me another few days to send her a message. I said, “Hi” but she didn’t reply. I felt sad. Luckily, she replied after a few days and we started chatting.

Everything appeared so beautiful at that stage. Little did I know that it would eventually become the biggest nightmare of my life. She seemed to be an amazing person. We started talking daily for hours at a stretch and I didn’t realize when I fell for her.

I got distracted from my studies and gave her every bit of my time.

When we finally met, it all seemed like a fairy tale to me. I was a small town guy who believed in the concept of falling in love with one girl and marrying her.

I did not have a modern outlook on relationships and believed that true love did exist.

I just wanted to find that one girl and spend the rest of my life with her. I was always a one-woman guy. I trusted her blindly and that became the biggest mistake of my life.

Gradually, I felt that she had also started liking me (She made me believe that). It was 14th February 2015 – Valentine’s Day. I made a heart shaped cake to propose to her. When she accepted my proposal, I was the happiest person on the planet.

Our relationship was going well until things took an expected turn in June 2015 when we visited our respective homes for our holidays. She started ignoring me. My good morning texts would remain unread for 3-4 day. I was worried and unable to understand the reason. I tried asking her if something was wrong but I didn’t get a reply for almost a month.

I cannot begin to explain how helpless I felt at the time.

When she returned to college, she behaved as if nothing had happened. Being an understanding boyfriend, I convinced myself that she must have been busy with her family. By then, I was madly in love with her and would do everything she asked me to, irrespective of my capabilities and constraints.

I had become a puppet who would dance to her tunes.

Over the next one year, I almost lost myself for her. I got a limited amount of money from home and never demanded more from my parents though we were financially able. I was a decent guy and a good son who did not want to misuse my father’s hard earned money to fulfil my luxuries.

All the money that I’d get from home, I’d spend on her. Though I didn’t buy a single t-shirt for myself for almost 3 years, I gave her everything to make her happy. I am not advocating that girls are just interested in money.

She never demanded anything from me; I was the one who sacrificed without her asking me to do so.

After all those sacrifices, I started feeling that something was not right with her. She would never let me touch her phone and that made me think that something was wrong. Yet, I was blinded by love. Though I caught her lying several times, I still ignored it. We never got physically intimate, as she had told me that she wasn’t comfortable with it.

I agreed because sex was never the reason for me to get into a relationship.

Impressed by her morals, I thought that she was the perfect girl for me. I may sound silly because I am exactly that.

After May 2017, I witnessed another major change in her. She didn’t want to meet me or even talk to me. Whenever I tried contacting her, she would say that she is busy and consequently, we would have a fight. She wanted us to break up because her parents wouldn’t let us get married as she was a Rajput and I am a Brahmin. I begged her to give our relationship a chance.

I broke down in front of her but it didn’t matter.

She wanted to break up. I was helpless. There was nothing much that I could do except to beg and cry for my love. This happened just a week before we were leaving for our vacations. I went to my hometown and during my month-long stay there, I cried myself to sleep every night.

Nobody knew what I was going through as I never shared much even with my closest friends.

All they knew was that I was going through a breakup and would be fine soon. After returning from the holidays, she called and apologized to me. She wanted us to be together.

I was so delighted that I ignored how her behavior changed when she was away from college.

She told me that her parents would allow me to marry her if I got a decent job after college. That acted as a catalyst in making me the person I am today. I started studying for 12-14 hours a day. There were days when I did not leave the library until 2.00 a.m.

The only thing on my mind was to prove my love and win her over.

I prepared well and nailed the GATE 2018 examination. I secured the highest rank from my college and began getting job offers from private companies and noted institutes like IIT Delhi for my M.Tech.

I thought that I’d lived up to her parents' expectations and we could be together happily.

It was April 2018 and I was celebrating my results and throwing parties, unaware of the nightmare that awaited me. Both of us went to Shimla to celebrate. Though we had gone for lunch, we decided to spend a night in the hotel.

We kept talking until it was late at night. Around 3 a.m., I gave her a forehead kiss and she went to sleep. I was looking at her sleeping and was smiling like a retard when I realized that the notification light was blinking on her phone. She had not told me her password, however, I had seen her unlock her phone a few times, so I remembered it.

When I checked her phone, I saw that she had a missed video call from someone named Saksham.

We had never spoken on a video call in the 3 years of our relationship, so this raised suspicion in my mind.

I opened her WhatsApp and there was no chat with Saksham. I felt temporarily relieved. Then I happened to see the Hike app on her phone and when I opened it, I saw 109 messages from Saksham. The things I read made my heart skip a beat.

They were celebrating 5 years of their relationship that night! I started reading their chat and was shocked to see all the vulgar messages.

I couldn’t believe my eyes until I saw pictures and videos of the two of them sharing intimate moments.

I couldn’t control my tears. I just sat there the entire night and let the tears flow. I could now relate to her change in behaviour when she was in her hometown as that guy also belonged to the same place.

I did not have the guts to wake her up and confront her.

Perhaps, she heard me crying and opened her eyes. She asked me what was wrong and then, she saw her mobile in my hand. She slapped me for touching her phone! She realized that I had seen everything. She yelled at me and angrily left the place at around 6 in the morning.

I was unable to regain my senses, every memory kept flashing before my eyes and I couldn’t stop crying. Somehow, I managed to leave the hotel. When I reached the college, I found her sharing a good laugh with her friends, as if nothing happened.

I met my friends and cried for almost an hour without saying a word. When they called her, she said that we had broken up. They consoled me and tried asking me what had happened.

I never told anything to anyone until now because it was a sensitive issue and I didn't want people to judge her character.

Although she betrayed me, I didn’t want to defame her. I told everyone that we had compatibility issues and hence, we parted ways. This story is just a way to lighten my heart.

I went on to have severe depression and ended up leaving my job. I tried drugs; I tried everything for the past 2 months and nothing worked. All I could do was cry. I didn’t go to IIT but I’m studying hard again, this time for my parents. I hope that one day, I can forget everything and become normal.

I’ve decided to fight my misery because I don’t want my parents to suffer due to me.

However, I don’t believe in love anymore and may never get married. But I still pray for her; I don’t want karma to hit back at her because somewhere, I still care for her.

Share This Story