Hi people, I am just trying to tell you my story in my own way. I am no writer but I thought I should share my story.
I had joined MBBS 3.5 years back and life was smooth. Of course, for a very short time though. When I was in the second year, a teacher from my college, who was at least 13 years older than me, asked me out. Though I had no intention or feelings to date him, he had the illusion that I was interested in him and that I wasn't agreeing to date him because of our age difference.
I have never met such a psychopath before and I don't think I would meet ever again.
I refused to date him on several occasions but he would disturb me in the class and campus. I was 20 years old and had no clue how such matters should be dealt with. I talked to my parents about it but they just said,"Hota hain harr ladki ke saath, you will come around." It had been two months since then and he started stalking me.
My so-called friends made fun of this and didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Some said, “Sir pagal hain tere piche.” And then, the blackmailing started. The teacher would just stalk me and then tell me, “If you don't date me, you’ll end up with a backlog." The fear of a backlog ruined my mind. I was a nerd and I thought, being detained for 6 months is such a heartbreaking thing.
I was completely absorbed in depression about this whole thing.
We had Bihu holidays then. After the college reopened, I found people saying all around that I had proposed that certain teacher. There were other rumors too, but I couldn't understand why people were saying this. It took me a while to understand that the teacher had started defaming me in college with the help of other students in the hostel, claiming that I was so desperate that I had proposed him on several occasions. God stands witness as to what shit he said about me and it broke my heart inside.
My friends started avoiding me and my batch mates ruined my reputation.
Four months passed by and I had stopped talking to everyone in college. I just hated the very sight of my college because I thought I could never do anything about my problems. But then, light broke through the darkness. I met someone. He was from an engineering college and we became fast friends. I called him Ashfaq. Ashfaq was into alcohol and weed. He was just not bothered about anything. He was mad and he said whatever he felt. At times, I felt he had no manners. But there was one thing he had: respect for women. Unlike that teacher who had a great reputation as a good doctor and always masked his evil self in the aisle of his service to mankind and maintaining a cordial relationship with other colleagues, Ashfaq was not bothered about what people said to him. If he felt like, he would pee in his pants in public.
This was the first time, I realized that being real is a choice and it needs guts.
It needs a lot of strength to say yes to what you really want to do inside and embrace the consequences. The more I talked to Ashfaq, the better I became mentally. I changed from this nerd and timid to a person who would never give up on herself.
Six months had passed by, and this time, I was strong inside. One evening, when I was strolling down the campus again, a red car stopped by my side. It was the teacher on the driver's seat. He pulled down his window, smirked at me and said, “How's life?”
That was when I decided I had had enough.
So the next morning, I just went into the lab and when I saw him working there, I just stepped in and slapped him on the face.
It was not a very tight slap because it was enough to bring him to his senses. I said, “Stop troubling me because I am not going back to worrying about the backlog. You can detain me, but I am not interested in you.”
There were other people watching me but I didn't stop, “and the number of times you detain me equals the number of times I slap you in public.” And I left. I must say, I had never felt so good before. People in college said that I just ruined my life, but I felt so peaceful inside.
That year itself, I appeared 2nd-year finals and when the results were declared, I was surprised to see that I was not detained. I still have no clue why I was not detained in that particular subject. But my joy knew no bound and that is when I realized that life is so unpredictable. I thank Ashfaq for this from the bottom of my heart.
It was January 2016, when Ashfaq proposed to me and my heart knew that nothing in the world could match my happiness then.
But I just said that I would let him know by 24 hours. However, when I called him the next day, he didn't pick up and sent me a text, “I am sorry I approached you. I couldn't sleep the whole night because we have religious differences. Ideally, the world is a contradiction. I cannot be with you, but I crave for you.”
It kind of broke my heart so bad, but by then, I was strong to realize that life is unpredictable. And believe me, the hardest in life is letting your love go.
We didn't commit after that.
Ashfaq and I remain friends, however. Though Ashfaq feels he hurt me in some way, I feel he gave me more than I could ever want from him. Not committing to him wasn't easy, it haunted me for a year and a half, but I wasn't weak to be depressed again. I didn't stop until I made peace about losing him. After all, if someone doubts a future with you, you cannot experience bliss with him even for a while.
I am going to pass out this year and I am very expressive now, not the timid nerd anymore.
Thanks to Ashfaq. If you are reading this Ashfaq, this is a gesture to let you know that no matter how wrong we might do to each other, I will never forget how you changed me. And to all people who are more mature than me, and have lost love, this 22-year-old girl just want to say, “Losing love can kill, but losing love for your own self is a sin.”