I’m a 23-year-old male. And what I’m about to tell you, happened when I was in the 10th grade. The reason I’m writing this today is because I know I have sinned and I want to confess my dirty deeds to create an awareness for victims like my sister.
At a young age, I began experimenting with my boyish desires, I used to enjoy watching porn and my friends and I would talk about all the dirty details from those videos.
While all of this is typically innocent behavior from young boys, I’d say, even expected, I have to admit that when my cousin sister came home to stay with us, I began seeing her in a light that I shouldn’t have. I couldn’t stop thinking about her in ways that I knew I shouldn’t.
A few days passed, until one afternoon, I saw her picking things up from the floor and she was wearing a rather deep neck top, I saw her cleavage and that’s when I knew I wanted her. In my mind, I knew how wrong this was, but my body didn’t seem to care. I was overcome with lust for her and I began experimenting with her, while she was asleep.
I used to kiss her lips, touch her breasts while she was fast asleep. I enjoyed myself a lot, and this went on for a couple of months without her knowledge. Soon, I got a little more daring and began watching her bathing or changing. My mind was on a nasty path and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stop.
One day, she caught me watching her bathe. She screamed and ran to my mother to tell her about this. Obviously, my mom beat me. Her heart was broken. I begged her for forgiveness but to no avail. What made the situation worse was that my sister immediately tried to kill herself, but luckily, we stopped her. My mom screamed at me, she abused me and called me all sorts of things.
And after that day, my life became hell. I lost all the respect, trust, and love from my family. I don’t blame them. My sister looks at me as a pervert, and my mom in shame.
Soon, I began separating myself from them and sank into depression. At every opportunity, my mother would talk about what I had done and call me a sick pervert. She began reading all my text messages to my friends, would watch over my shoulder if I was watching a movie or any video on my phone.
I’ve thought about killing myself, but I know that’s the easier option. I want to change this impression they have of me. I want them to know that I’m not a sex addict, I’m not a pervert. I made a mistake, I don’t deny this, but I want to change, for them: for my mother and for my sister.
The reason I wrote this, is to tell all those boys and girls, that one of the biggest sins you can commit is an incestuous relationship. It’s never okay to destroy the trust between a brother and a sister in this manner. I’m writing this only because I want all those victims out there to take a stand like my sister did, and to all those out there who are thinking about this, I have just one word for you, ‘Don’t.’