Some say dreams are better than reality. That’s not true for me! I am scared of dreaming because my dreams always end up being nightmares. My father was my superhero throughout my childhood.

He was so brave, kind to the needy, and loving. I lived with this false assumption for nearly 21 years.

On December 31st 2014, his real face was exposed to me. Yes, my father has another woman in his life. It doesn't end there. He has a daughter with her and she is around 3 years old. My castle based on the strength of having the best father in the world demolished. I couldn't accept the fact that my father cheated on my mother. I couldn't believe the person I looked up to was a jerk.

I could never see him as my "father" again. He just seemed like a stinking dirty bag to my eyes. So disgusting! my mother considered her husband to be the most hardworking and loyal man who struggled day and night for our family. The moment she confronted him about his extramarital affair, our lives changed forever. He got very violent and he hit her on her head, punched her and hurt her back. I could see my mother crying in pain with a swollen back. 

This continued for years, every time my mother would confront him, he would slap her. I was longing for peace in my family.

Daily fights, arguments and domestic violence took toll on my mental health. I got into severe depression. I couldn't go to class or concentrate on my studies. 

I was always thinking about my mother. Is she safe? What would be running in her mind now? Will she decide to end her life? These thoughts scared the hell out of me and I used to burst out crying at school. When my friends or teachers asked me questions, I used to say it's a personal problem and it will be fine.

My brother and I were too weak to confront my father as he was a powerful man and we all depended upon him financially for our daily needs and confronting him would mean he will throw us out of the house. I forced my mother to divorce him but she was worried that no good family will come forward to marry me if they were separated and if they got to know about my father's extra marital affair.

Thinking about my future, she sacrificed her health and happiness. Today I am married to a loving and caring man but my past still haunts me. I have to force myself to wake up just to get over the nightmare. Years have passed but the wounds and scars haven't healed.

Today when I see my father I feel he is just a poor man, who has a huge bank balance, respect in the society but has lost his respect in his daughter's eyes. My parents are still together. My father still believes my mother survived because of his kindness. I would say it's her kindness that she didn’t let anyone find out. 

His pride is still in her hands but she is an unconditionally loving wife and prefers to get tortured by him rather than letting him go from her life. I called her to stay with me and my husband but she said she can't stay away from her husband for even a single day.

I don't know whether to call her a weak or a strong woman. Hats off to her patience and sacrifices. I am so unlucky I lost my father at the age of 21. After that incident, I never had a "father" with me. I just had a dirt bag, a burden stuck to my life, a cause for my nightmares in place of my father.

But I knew my sorrows were not going to last forever as God would send me an angel in the form of my husband.

I feel at peace and loved today. But when I close my eyes and go to sleep, my subconscious mind drives me to those scary experiences of domestic violence and I know I cannot get rid of those memories. They are going stay with me till the day I die.

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