He had already told me that he would not marry me at the very beginning of our friendship. But being inspired by Indian daily soaps and Bollywood movies, I was confident that I would make him mine. We worked in the same company but were located in two different corners of the country. I met him at a conference. When the initial buds of our relationship were blooming, he shared his bitter past experiences with his ex, due to which he had no faith in love or marriages now. I had sympathy for him. Within a month of our telephonic conversation, I was madly in love with him, I wanted to prove to him that love was beautiful and all girls were not the same. Because we worked in the same company, I took a decision to move to his city. After many official formalities, I got the approval to move to another city.

He welcomed me with an open heart. Officially I had my own flat in the same colony as his but I shared his apartment. We lived together. Things were going so smoothly, we created so many memories, late night drives, partied together, I was like Alice in Wonderland.

We got intimate. It was a beautiful feeling when he kissed me. I could feel the butterflies in my belly. I allowed him to touch me as my inner me was very confident that he was my man. Bollywood songs kept the same hope alive in my heart. He told me once, the reason why he broke up with his ex. She caught him kissing another girl in the pub. I was shocked because what he told me before was a completely different story. He had said she wasn't loyal to him, so I couldn't understand why he cheated on her. Still, I chose to forget it and not to question because any way that was his past now.

After just two months, our intimacy slowed down. For me, I had an impression that if I don't agree for sex, I will lose him. I realized now that he hardly even kissed me. We shared the same bed but there were no hugs or talks. He sometimes also asked me to go back to my flat, because he wanted his own space and I was eating it up. We had many arguments. One day, I read his online chats with a few girls, he spoke to them exactly the way he did to me before. He called it healthy flirting. The girls were setting updates with him. My world fell apart. I had left my city, my friends and moved to his new place where there was a language barrier and the food was so creepy, but I was trying to cope with it every day just for him and now I was left all alone.

With a heavy heart, I asked him what his views about love and marriages were now. l did not expect this answer.

He said he understood that every girl was not a bitch but still he can't marry me because I did not agree with his expectations. My height, complexion and healthy figure did not match up with his dreams. I died that day. I felt like I was the most stupid person on earth. I questioned him that, if this was the case then why he came closer to me and how could he sleep with me? If it was only me who loved him, and he considered me only as a friend then how could he ruin his friend's life? He had no answers, he said it was just a mistake and he regrets it. I stood there motionless. His "Sorry" was not going to help me, because the damage was already done. I can't even say that he used me because it was me who allowed someone to destroy me and my soul. I was so gullible to believe him. I cried every day asking myself, why did I do this to myself? Currently, I am trying to gather the broken pieces of what I have left in me. I am trying to gather courage so that I can go back to my own city.

I want my old self back. Because I had used up all my savings while getting transferred to this city, I will have to stay in the same place for the time being and go through the pain every time I see him.

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