I'm Addicted To A Man Who Can't Decide If He Loves Me Or Just Wants My Body

Anonymous Anonymous in Dirty Picture on 28 February, 2018

I’m from a small village where educations till takes a back seat. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I definitely had ambitions and big dreams. Being the daughter of a farmer, I worked really hard amongst all odds to earn the life that I am living today.

Currently, I’m working in a bank and that’s where I met him. I was reluctant to speak to him at first, especially since I had been through a heartbreak recently. But I still remember his words, he told me that he wasn’t like the other guys. We were in the same office for almost two months before he got transferred. During the time, we kept texting each other and things were going smoothly. I used to get butterflies in my stomach every single time he sent me a message.

We began meeting on the weekends and initially, I was hesitant to commit, especially since we were from different communities. But soon, I realized that he was my everything. And suddenly, after a month, he told me we couldn’t do this anymore. We couldn’t be together because he told me, I wasn’t “marriage material” and was more focused on being successful in my work life.
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I was clueless; where was this coming from?! I kept calling him, again and again, but he didn’t answer.

Eventually, I began focusing more on chasing after him and less on my work.

He kept coming back into my life when he wanted to; there were days when things were perfect between us and then there were days when he would check my messages, Facebook accounts, and everything just to make sure I wasn’t cheating on me with any of my guy friends.

I found out much later, that he had found a way to track my phone, to make sure he always knew where I was at any given point of time in the day or night.

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There were so many ordeals that I had to go through, but I loved him and every time he said sorry, I would fall a little more for him.

I was breaking on the inside, but to have him, at the end of it all, it seemed worth it.

He began taunting me and asking me to learn how to manage a house, he said it was this that would allow us to be together. My love for him was selfless and so I did everything that he asked me to. I knew that it was going to be tough, trying to convince my parents to let me marry him, but I had him on my side. Or at least, that’s what I thought.

One day, I caught him flirting with another girl. Turns out, he had a fake Facebook account and he was using that to talk to other girls on it. He never seemed to care about my emotions and I was always the last person to find out if he did something behind my back like this.

There was this one time when he even accused me of being after his money! The same guy who kept telling me that he couldn’t meet me on certain days because he had no money to spend.

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All I wanted from his was love and affection and instead, I was with someone who cared more about materialistic things. Two years passed us by in this manner and in this time, he never made me meet his friends or his family members.

Slowly, the duration between our meetings began stretching from days, to weeks, to months even.  

Now, even though he lives just 18kms from me, he never makes an effort to meet me and ignores all my calls. From somewhere, I found the strength to give up on him, but every single time I would do that, he would find a way to worm his way back into my life. He plays these games with me. He doesn’t want to marry me, or even be committed to being, but he can’t let me move on either. And me, being this stupid girl, I fall for his tricks every single time.

I’m frustrated and have never felt so hopeless. He’s turned me into a short-tempered girl, one who doesn’t care anymore about her future, but just about one thing: getting him back.

I know the harsh truth, I know that he’s not going to come back to me, ever again… and yet, here I am, being hopeful even as I write this today.

Editor's Note:

Share this story, because the worst harm that we can do to ourselves, is to stay stuck to a love that isn't deserving.