I Would Visit Him, Have Sex And Then Pop A Pill. It Was My Friend Who Drilled Some Sense Into Me.
I still wonder how I could have been so foolish. I had just joined college. I was full of confidence at that time.
But I was a typical Indian girl at heart who thought that I would marry the person I loved.Share this quote
A few days after I joined college one of my seniors called Sahil proposed to me. He was in the 4th year and had ragged me because I was a fresher. I was impressed by the way he talked and thought I should try being friends with him. When my friends got to know about this they tried to make me understand that he was not a good guy. They warned me that my relationship with him would not last long.
But I was not convinced. I continued my relationship with him. I foolishly thought that because I had agreed to his proposal I had to continue with our relationship till we got married.Share this quote
We talked over the phone all through the night. We would meet at our college and sit together in the canteen for hours. I got to know him as a person at this time. I also realized that he lied about many things. He would lie about things that I had seen with my own eyes. But if I asked him about it he would deny it and say that he had not done it.
I did not want to confront him by saying that I had seen him doing this or that. I did not want him to feel ashamed about lying to me.Share this quote
I also got to know that he was actually a very orthodox person who belonged to an equally orthodox family. After a few months, Sahil had to move to another city because he had found a job there.
We now shared a long distance relationship. By this time he had already started manipulating me a lot. He continued manipulating me even after going to another city. He would tell me not to wear western dresses. He asked me to wear only Indian clothes.
I did all that he told me to do. He asked me not to talk too much with the other boys. He asked me to ignore them even if they were my classmates. I did this too for him.Share this quote
We could meet only twice in a month now. The city he now lived in was two hours away from my hostel. I would go there to meet him once in two weeks.
The real story of my life began now. He once told me that he had a feeling that I would leave him. He said that he didn’t feel good even when he thought about such things.
He then went on to say that he wanted us to seal our relationship by kissing each other. He said this would reassure him that I too was keen on maintaining this relationship forever.Share this quote
Like many Indian girls, I too thought that a couple kissed and had sex only after they got married. But I thought about what he had said. I agreed to kiss him to prove that I was not going to leave him.
So we kissed each other when I visited him the next time. This continued for the next two visits.Share this quote
One fine day, when we were talking over the phone he told me that he wanted to kiss my whole body so that we could be closer to each other. I thought about it for two days.
He convinced me that he was not going to have sex with me. He said that he would only kiss my whole body. And he wanted this as his birthday gift.Share this quote
So when we met on his birthday, I presented him with my body. I allowed him to kiss my whole body that day. Even today I seriously don’t know what he got from doing this to me.
But that day I told him that I could not go beyond this with him.Share this quote
I told him that we would have nothing special to do on our first night if we did everything before we got married. But obviously, he had something else in mind. When we met the next time he took me to a hotel room again. I told him that I was not going to repeat anything this time.
He told me that all he wanted to do was to hug me and sleep with me for a few hours. I believed him and went with him to the hotel room.Share this quote
After a few minutes, he started tickling me. Then he started kissing me. I was human enough to respond to his kisses. I was not able to control myself. So I kissed him too. He then started taking off all my clothes. I tried to stop him but he said that he had already kissed my whole body. So it should not make any difference to me if he did the same thing to me again.
I did say OK to him but I was not feeling good about what was happening at that time. I pleaded with him and asked him not to go beyond this.Share this quote
But obviously, he had something else in his mind. He then started manipulating me again. He said that we would not actually be indulging in sex if he used a condom. He said that it could actually be considered as sex only when we had sex without using a condom.
I was dumb enough to agree with him. So we had sex and he used a condom. He already had a condom in his wallet because he was sure that he would be able to convince me about this.Share this quote
The same pattern continued for the next few visits. But after a few more visits he started telling me that we could have sex without using a condom too. I told him that we would have nothing special to do after we got married if we had sex without a condom now itself.
Now he told me that it could actually be considered sex only if he left his sperms inside me.Share this quote
He said that he would do this only after we got married. And I was foolish enough to believe this too and we had sex without using a condom too. I now popped a pill after having sex with him.
He told me that he has not left any of his sperms inside me but I had to take that pill as a precaution.Share this quote
I was so deeply in love with him that I could not see through any of his tricks. I was a normal enough human being who had started enjoying the whole thing. Now my life was full of these few things that I had started enjoying.
All I had to do was attend my classes in college, visit him, have sex and then pop a pill.Share this quote
But he now started abusing me. He started slapping me for little things in the hotel room whenever we met.
He treated me like a sex toy that he could use whenever he wanted to.Share this quote
He now wanted phone sex over the phone. If I denied this to him he would start abusing me. My friends started noticing marks on my face whenever I returned to my hostel. They kept telling me to end this relationship. But I was not able to take a decision about it.
I somehow believed that I could not leave him because I had indulged in sex with him. I thought I had to marry him alone.Share this quote
This continued for a few more months. But one fine day I decided to end our relationship because my friend Misha’s advice made sense to me. Misha and I were gossiping with each other after dinner when Misha said, “If he loved you he would have never slapped you. He knows that you are an easy target to manipulate and that is why he does all this with you. He will leave you once he is done with you just like he has left all those other girls in the past. We had already told you about him earlier. But you did not listen to us. See where you are right now.”
“You still have time. Leave him before he leaves you. Forget about what people will think.”Share this quote
That was the day I left him. I don't know where I got that kind of courage from. But I just called him and told him that I was leaving him. He was shocked and did not know why I was suddenly talking of breaking off with him. But I just made my mind to leave him and disconnected the call. He called me several times after that but I did not pick any of his calls.
I will not say that all these years changed my life completely or that I will not trust anyone again etc. I think these incidents were meant to happen to me so they happened to me.
It was not his fault alone. It was my fault too.Share this quote
So many people had intimated me about him so many times. But I had not listened to any of them. I too had noticed that he lied and that he belonged to an orthodox family. But I chose to continue my relationship with him.
I should have clearly said, “No” if I did not want to have sex with him. But I had not done this. I too had enjoyed having sex with him. So I cannot shift all the blame on his shoulders alone.Share this quote
It was only because he manipulated me and abused me that I had even thought of ending our relationship. Yes, I have never seen such a manipulative person in my life before.
I don’t want you to sympathize with me. I wanted you to know that my bad experiences gave me the strength to take a tough decision. I am more careful about making new friends now. I want other boys and girls to such tough decisions when they still have time to opt out of such relationships. Don’t confuse sex for love. If a person truly loves you- he/she will never abuse me – mentally, physically or emotionally.
Do we learn to stand up for ourselves only when people trample on our feelings? Do we learn more about ourselves only when we lose ourselves in our relationships? Do we realize the worth of such bitter experiences? Do we become stronger and more humane after we face such experiences? Let’s not dismiss our pain so casually. It serves a purpose too. Do share this story because only when we accept our faults we learn to see things with the right perspective.