About a year back, my seniors forced me to resign from my company. I had only one other option in hand. I could join my ex-senior’s company in Faridabad. It was a company of 30 people. The salary was not very good and the employees were not given too many benefits but I had no other job offer in hand. I had to support my family so I had to join this company.

Life was a daily struggle for me now because I had to commute for 4 hours from north Delhi to Faridabad every day.  I had broken up with my ex-boyfriend at this time. So I wanted to make friends with other guys.

I was looking only for friendship now. I did not want to get hooked up with anyone.

So, I logged into a dating app. I came across two or three guys on the app but for some reason or the other, I could not meet them. Maybe I was destined to meet this guy. We both had logged into the dating app at the same time. We bumped into each other at the metro station. We started with a “Hi!” But I was not very interested in him as I was already talking to other guys through the app.

I just wanted a nice guy to hang out with. I wasn’t too keen on him but it was easy to meet him location wise. So when he started a conversation, I did not really mind it.

He asked me why I was using the app. I told him that I was looking for friendship. He told me that it was a dating app. I told him, “Yes, I know it is a dating app. But I was just hoping to make friends with a nice decent guy.”

We started conversing after exchanging our numbers. I could see that he did not really believe me. He gave me his Jio number but I gave him my regular number. He was keen to know where I worked and how often we could meet.

I told him that I worked in Faridabad so we could meet often. Initially, he was very keen to see me. He would always be connected with me over Whats App or over calls. He too worked in the same area and lived in Faridabad itself. So he asked me to meet him.

I sent him my picture that evening and told him that I wasn’t very good looking. I was a dusky girl with average looks. He said that looks did not matter.

We met in Faridabad and kissed in the very first meeting. He then dropped me at the nearest metro station. It all started slowly. We started meeting on and off. But we became closer to each other with time. We then became intimate with each other and he continued chatting and talking to me.

One fine day, I asked him if we could go to Jaipur. That day, he disclosed that he already had a girlfriend and was in a long distance relationship with her. He also told me that he wanted to marry her.

This piece of information came as a bolt out of the blue for me. I had started liking him and I felt good whenever he advised me about my job and my life. I didn’t know why he had lied to me. I wondered what he was looking for in our relationship.

But after disclosing the reality to me, he called me several times and told me that he did not want to lose me too. I was getting emotionally attached to him. So I listened to him despite being aware that he was in another relationship. Maybe I could not say, “No” to him because I had started falling for him. But I was heart-broken because nobody had cared for me like this so far.

I knew I was getting drawn towards him. We continued to remain in an intimate relationship.

Then on my birthday, he called me and asked me if we could get intimate that day. I had an interview in Gurgaon that day. So I had to refuse him after which I went off to appear for my interview.

Meanwhile, his girlfriend had come to meet him. So he asked me not to call him or send him any messages. He too had gone off to meet her. But he had not told me about it. Later on, when he did tell me about it, he also told me that his girlfriend had seen one of my messages and he had covered up things by telling her that I was just his friend.

Despite knowing all this, I still clung to him. I didn’t know why I did this. Maybe it was because I was feeling lonely and wanted some kind of support from him.

It was Diwali soon after my birthday. He was feeling horny so he asked me to send him some nude pictures of mine. I had never said, “No” to him and this time too I gave in to his demands. He had blocked me on Whats App but he unblocked me to get the pictures that I had sent him. Soon, we were sexting but then he suddenly changed his mind and said, “We have to stop this nonsense as I am getting married.”

I found this very weird. He again blocked me on Whats App and said, “Our weekend fun is over.” I was hurt by this statement.

His behaviour had taken a 360-degree turn after Diwali. He stopped texting me or calling me. I sent him a message and asked him, “Why did you do all this to me?” He said, “You have to forgive me for my behaviour. Though we hooked up, it had been only been a time pass relationship with me. I lied to you that I had broken off with my girlfriend. I would have continued dating you had you not seen other guys. And anyway I don’t know you very well.”

I was shocked to see how his conversation had changed. I felt he had used me.

I started blaming myself for being too emotional. I knew I was a person who would get easily influenced by anyone’s words. He has blocked me from WhatsApp and Facebook. So, I can only call him or text him now.

I don’t know if he has hooked up with someone else now or if he is still in a relationship with his girlfriend. I don’t know if he has disclosed the fact that he had an affair with me at home. Maybe it was my mistake that I let him use me. I should have called off the relationship the day he told me about his affair with his girlfriend. But I still yearn to talk to him and stay in touch with him.

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