Was sex necessary? Then why didn't it bring happiness?
I was 15 when I lost my virginity to the guy (19) whom I loved deeply. Though initially, I wasn't ready to have it. In fact, I had never given it a thought. My mind was full of questions. What my boyfriend said me was- sex is a part of love, a very important part, it will bind us together.
Gradually, I took an interest in it, even though now I know that I was young to decide. I asked him questions related to sex. I just knew one thing, that it will bring me closer to him and he will be mine forever. I took it as an assurance. I called him to my house. We planned and it worked, and finally, we had sex. It was painful physically but emotionally I felt complete, as I signed a bond paper that he will be mine.
Everything went fine for a few days. My parents came to know about this. They scolded me, they used horrible language, they slapped me. But I realized they weren't wrong. The most painful moment was when I knew my boyfriend, whom I believed, trusted blindly left me saying we are not made for each other.
And now I know- SEX IS NOT REQUIRED FOR LOVE. He forced me. He manipulated me.
Some of it was my fault. I loved him and I always will. Honestly, I wanted sex to bring him closer to me. But now I feel like an empty vessel. I lost importance. I lost the trust of my parents. I lost my peace of mind.
Just for him.