I hate my mom and my dad. I was just twelve years old and hadn’t even started with menstruation, when I lost my virginity, my life. The culprit was my own father.

I don’t want to go back to the memory of those days when my father fucked me for his sick pleasure.

I had no idea at that point as to what exactly was going on. It continued for two horrid years, until I could gather some awareness and enough courage to protest against him. But wait, this was not the end, because my mother came to his rescue. She claims to be a pavitra nari – my foot!

My mother slept beside me while he was fucking me, and she would touch me to motivate him and stimulate me further. Yuck.

She would try to console me by saying that even my bua slept with my grandfather the day before her wedding, so it is my duty as a daughter to satisfy my father. She would say that I must gain these qualities as it would help me satisfy my future husband. I had no knowledge about virginity then. All I knew was that this is not good. I don’t know why but I did not like it. I was horrified when I was left home alone one night, with my father, because everyone had gone to attend a family function and I had to stay back because of my exams. Every night I cried, prayed and killed my soul. When I turned fourteen years old, I had made up my mind to just say no! And this time I would be clear that no means no. I stopped helping my mother in the kitchen, and wouldn’t do anything for my father where he could have his chance. I felt relieved that I was now finally free from his clutches, and all I did was answer strongly.

Soon he found his new prey, my sister-in-law. My brother was a good and simple person, and he never gathered the courage to disobey his parents because after all, we are supposed to be sanskaari people.

He left the house and moved out for his job, just to stay away from the torture of watching his wife sleeping with his father. My father bribed her by promising to help them financially if she satisfied him. I tried to talk to her about this to help her out but she took it wrongly, or maybe she was just uncomfortable and afraid of losing her respect in this new family, and maybe this is why she never opened up to me about it. Soon after this, sensing the danger, my father got me married off to a depressed man and this ruined my life forever. I tried my best to live happily with my hubby until one fated day. I even made love to my husband during pregnancy and we went to on to have a beautiful baby boy. When our baby was just three months old, I found out that my husband was cheating on me.

He has always doubted my character and I tried my best to keep him happy. He even went to this girl’s house to sleep with her and she refused as she was on her period.

I still love him but I wonder why I should not die? I do not want another baby with this man. I hate my life and my destiny. Why me? I was cheated by my father, my mother, my husband, but now I will live. I will live for my son, my life. And when the right time comes, I will leave the whole world behind me, and I will break all the chains bound to me by sanskaar.

Share This Story