I thought I found my man, but the universe proved me wrong (yet again).
Not having a father was the most tragic and empty feeling I had in my life. I never knew how the presence of a man felt like. I never had the sense of protection and the warmth of a father being there for me. I never had the chance to live with my mom as well.
The longest time that we ever spent together was 2 years.
She then married again, while I left my hometown after high school and was happy in my new independent world. It was at this point that I met this guy, who was my teacher. He was good looking and was a gentleman. I couldn't confess the love I had for him, but we stayed in touch on Facebook after he left the city.
My friends told me that he had a girlfriend at that time, so I never bothered him.
I was always interested as to where he was and what he was up to. One day, he confessed to me that he likes me and that he was not in a relationship with his girlfriend anymore. I got very anxious as the rush of feelings I had for him was overpowering and I couldn't answer him correctly. He asked me if I wanted to meet him when he came to the city. I was confused because a man was giving me attention and was showing his caring nature towards my well being.
He tried convincing me for some time, but suddenly one day he said he's going back to his girlfriend. I felt very hurt as I thought I had lost my chance with him and so, I left everything to destiny. Suddenly, after three years, we get back in touch on his birthday, and I got to know that he was now in Pune and most importantly not in any relationship with anyone. We started talking on the phone, and he convinced me, to move to Pune for better career opportunities. I was least bothered about the struggle and effort it would take to do it. I left the job I was at and went to Pune.
I was now in a new city, a new workplace, surrounded by new people, but I was with the same guy, with whom I fell in love with 3 years ago.
We started dating and life was like a fairytale for me. We got physically involved and it was all so picture perfect. I had the man of my dreams, a great job and had entered a new phase of my life. I couldn't ask for more. He introduced me to his office colleagues and his boss. We used to go lunch at his boss's place. His boss used to tease us for being in love and being a cute couple. On my birthday, he proposed to me and I said YES. I was very excited to tell my mum about him, but he asked me to wait for a while. I agreed to it and one fine day, he went to Indore to his relatives' place, where his mom was also visiting. He called me and started telling me about this girl he's thinking of getting married to.
I thought he was kidding, so asked about the girl and told him to say yes to that girl.
When he came back, he told me that he's actually going to get married to this girl, who was a gold medalist in commerce and a Marathi (which was more important to his family). I asked him what this meant to our relationship. He said that I was not Marathi and that his mom wants a Marathi bahu. There I was, heartbroken for a second time, devastated, as I had no clue, of what was going to happen to me.
He left me without a second look, as I stood there crying.
I came back to my room, sat sobbing for 2 days without food and water. I kept thinking that he would come back and tell me that it was all a joke. There was no sign of him. I cried my heart out and thought about committing suicide, but my mom's face appeared in front of my eyes and I decided to just sulk in my sorrow. I had spent 1.5 years in Pune and yet it was all new to me. I had no friends to fall back on because my whole world had revolved around him and now, I was left all alone. I still remember having a conversation with him, wherein he had told me that if I go and tell his mom about our relationship, he would commit suicide. I felt so ashamed of myself and started wondering where it all went wrong.
The guy for whom I left everything - my city, my friends, my comforts, was now going to live the rest of his life with a girl, whom he had just met once.
I am still searching for an answer to the following question - what does it take for an independent girl to get herself a partner?