Loving him is my habit but expectations still come up and he breaks me every time.
Being without a mother has always made me feel unwanted. My stepmother never thought of loving me back.
I craved for love every single day, I craved for hugs, appreciation and every small thing that any child would wish for. I never got time in my dad's busy schedule, I just kept on waiting for the reciprocation of love from their side.
Yes, I am a strong girl, everyone calls me that, I have never expressed this frustration of waiting. I started my job as a content writer just after my boards, I did every small thing that my parents wished for, just for their love.
One fine day, I got the painkiller for my frustrations, maybe the Shakespearean hero for whom I had waited badly. It did start with a friend request and we ended up dating each other. It was the first time that the "so-called strong girl" opened herself up in front of someone. I don't really know what made me fall in love with him but yes, I was in need of love when I came across him.
He never felt protective about me. He never showed any emotions towards me. Again I kept on waiting for him to respond back.
The very first day, we ended up having sex. Sharing the bed was a big thing but bringing out all the emotions I had inside of me, was a bigger deal. That day, I took myself to be his wife, it may sound kiddish but yes, I did so.
Nowadays, being or not being a virgin is not a matter of importance, even he was not who he had portrayed to be but I did give my virginity to him, not to prove myself as pure but to make him feel that he was the first and the last one.
His lines which shattered me completely were, "Loving my ex girlfriend madly was my mistake and I won't ever repeat that again." My heart yelled out the question that - where do I stand? Again I will wait and wait for love and it will never find its way to me maybe.
Days went, I was more and more inclined towards loving him. Expectations did crop up from my side. I got a lot of suggestions from my friend who stated, "It was lust and he has no interest in you."
I proudly stated that one day he will feel my love and be mine completely. Yes, he texts me that he loves me but his eyes never reflect the emotion. He did speak about his ex-girlfriend and promised never to leave me. But I don't ever feel wanted.