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I Had An Arranged Marriage With A Guy Who Did Not Deserve My Virginity

( words)
*For representational purpose only.
I was 23 and like any other woman, it was time for me as well to get married. That time his alliance came to me but initially, things didn’t work out since he was about to fly to the US and he wasn’t ready to get married at that time but after 2 months his family came back to us asking for my hand and we agreed after a high-level inquiry about him.

After 6 months we got married to each other. Initially, like any other woman, I too fell in love with him instantly as it was the first encounter for me with a guy. He was sweet, romantic and frank.

I was in my la la land in the past 6 months before our marriage and finally, the wedding day arrived. I was waiting for the first night with him thinking that how beautiful it’s going to be to lose my virginity to the person I love.

But all I saw was an animal and he was in no mood to talk but to have sex directly without even making me feel comfortable and all I could do was try stopping him, which he didn’t allow. He tried and he tried but the scared me didn’t let him do what he wanted.

I thought maybe if I will show some restraint he will see my point and then we could have it all but I was wrong. All it did was it made him a psycho that made me even more scared. Finally, for the love of my dear life, I accepted to shatter my dreams of making love to the person I thought I knew and fulfill his dream to penetrate me and hurt me till the time he didn't get his 5 seconds of orgasm.

I felt no love losing my virginity to him and after finishing all this, all he could tell me was ” I lost my virginity in school itself and had huge expectations from you tonight, all you could do was dissatisfy me”.

After 2 weeks of our wedding, he asked me for divorce saying that he was not comfortable with me and started insulting me by tagging me as an ugly, fat lady. He also told me that he was thinking about his ex-girlfriend who had satisfied him by all means.

I got scared again. An Indian wife who can’t satisfy her husband is of no use to this society. I thought I should change. No, I must change myself to make my husband fall for me.

Few months passed by and he gave me a cold shoulder all this while. A day came when he started hitting me for no reason. There were days when he used to hit me continuously for hours with no mercy and all I could do was hide it from my parents because I was in love with him.

Yes, I was in love with the guy who used to insult me and hit me all day and used me as a tool of his pleasure at night.

After a year, I came to know that he had been having an affair with his ex-girlfriend for a year after the wedding. They used to meet in hotel rooms to have sex. All he had to do was pay for her travel expenses and for the business. I am a working woman and he never did anything for me but he spent a fortune for his mistress and that is when I realised that he was not the person I loved. He was an imposter who pretended to be someone I loved.

Now I am seeking for divorce but somewhere with a hope that he will come back to me as a changed person.

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