I am a married woman who is confused about her feelings. I got married 5 years back and it was a love marriage but I think I fell out of love, the reason being his attitude towards everything. Recently I joined a new office and on my first day as a part of an assignment, I had to talk to a man. I did not give much thought to it and did my work but as the assignment ended, I felt something. Let's name him H, I wanted to tell him that his voice was very nice, I really liked it. Once I sent him the message I thought it was too awkward so I deleted it but he had already read it.
That was the start to a new friendship. I really liked talking to him and we started talking to each other day in and day out.
I don't know when this relationship turned in to mutual feelings and it transformed into love and sex. He came down to meet me and we even got physical out of mutual consent. And to add to this, we never stopped talking. We would start from the moment our eyes opened every morning and talked till one of us fell asleep. We both knew that this relationship had no future but we just wanted it in the present as it was too beautiful. One month passed and my husband got hold of my chats with H and confronted me. He asked whether I still wanted to continue the marriage or not and out of fear I said yes.
The fear of shaming my parents.
My husband called up H and told him to stay away from me. After that H has been too busy with his work commitments. I have had a word with him and he says forget whatever happened and he has asked not to call him for few days. I am still trying to understand and forget what all happened between us or what my husband did that day. I am confused about his feelings towards me, when he would talk to me I felt it was love and affection but due to his fear that I might get too attached to him he never showed it too much. I know he cares for me and can't see me getting hurt, not today nor in the future. He has promised to talk to me once he is done with his work as this is a very important juncture in his career.
I don't know what to tell him or what to expect after these few days.
My husband, even after knowing all of it has decided to give this marriage another chance. He tries to come near me but I always feel distant. I don't know whether it is my love for H or I have actually fallen out of love for my husband. I am just too confused and have left everything on my destiny and I am waiting for answers to come to me.