I Didn’t Want You To Break Up With Your Wife. I Just Wanted A Little Love Before I Left You.

Anonymous Anonymous in Dirty Picture on 26 September, 2018

We worked in the same office. He was my senior and a married man. Initially, we talked to each other like colleagues but then we moved on to become friends. We did not even realize when our friendship turned into something deeper.

We started falling for each other. Both of us knew there was no future in our relationship. We tried to control ourselves but we couldn’t.

The more we tried to stay away from each other the closer we became. The bond that we shared was unique. We became so emotionally attached to each other that it was difficult to break away from each other now.

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He never told me that he would leave his wife for me.

He cared for her. He had promised his wife that he would remain loyal to her throughout his life even if he stopped loving her. We continued with our relationship for 8 months. I was getting older by the day and my parents were now pressurizing me to get married.

He knew this but he was helpless. He asked me to stay away from him so that I could concentrate on my future and welcome someone else in my life.

But we worked in the same office. How could I even think of someone else when he worked in front of my eyes every day?

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So he started ignoring me.

Even when I pinged him, he didn’t reply. He ignored me when I asked him to talk to me. One day, I broke down completely. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I confided in one of my very close friends. I cried in front of him like hell. When he saw me cry like that, my friend called him and asked him to at least talk to me. That was the first time he called me.

He said, “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

He then said, “My wife has started suspecting me. So we can’t chat over WhatsApp anymore. We share an extremely strong emotional bond. We cannot break it off suddenly later on. So it is better we break it now.”

When I heard him say all this to me, I felt as if someone had taken away my lifeline from me.
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I continued to plead with him. I asked him to come back to me because I knew I did not have much time in my hands. I somehow sensed that I would be leaving the city in the near future. So I wanted to spend my last few days with him happily like before. I wanted to love him.

But even this last wish of mine remained unfulfilled.

When we had been together, I had asked him to take me to a nearby beach before I left the firm. I wanted to spend some time with him watching the sunset. I didn’t know if he still remembered this.

I begged him to talk to me but when he refused to do so, I returned all his gifts. He flew into a rage when I did this and just threw them all away.  But he never returned any of my gifts to me. He still has my earrings. Before I left the firm, he asked me to meet him. We did meet.

He cried with me that day. He said that Destiny had played a very cruel game with our lives. First, it had made us fall in love with each other and then it had suddenly separated us.

I still love him. He is always in my thoughts. I don’t know if he has any feelings for me. I was very rude to him when I left him and accused him of several things because I was very angry with him.

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But he still inquires about my well-being.

I feel happy when he pings me but the very next moment all the painful memories come flooding back. I felt terrible when he ignored me and then left me alone.

I suffered a lot in that place. So I left the firm and came to another city to begin my life afresh.

But I think of him even today and continue to miss him. I still love him. I don’t know if I will ever be able to forget him. I don’t know if I will be able to welcome any other man in my life again. People say that everything happens for a reason. I am yet to find a reason behind this question that haunts me: Why did we meet?

I deeply regret the fact that I could not spend some more time with him before I left. I know we will never meet in our lives again. He still asks me to forgive him.

All I want to tell him now is this: I forgave you a long time back. Actually, there is no place for forgiveness in our bond. I loved you the way you were. You have now become a part of my life. I can never be angry with you for long. I always want you to be happy. I did not want you to break up with your wife. My only fault was that I loved you. And I still love you Jaan.

Editor's Note:

Equanimity is a beautiful word – the perfect balance between our thoughts and emotions. Yet, we all struggle with this – to such an extent that sometimes we end up thinking rationally and become insensitive to the feelings of people who love us – and at other times we become so emotionally involved with a person that we lose our good sense. Let’s share this story because often our lives become so complex that we don’t even know whether what we are doing is right or wrong.