I was lucky enough to fall in love with a man who loved me back. But we didn't have a smooth relationship. Like every relationship, we too had our share of ups and downs, fights and arguments. But despite everything, we always came back to each other. I loved him madly, deeply, truly despite his extreme possessiveness.
Then, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I chose my career over him. I thought he would forgive me as I had not ditched him for another man. But he couldn't stop doubting me once we got into a long distance relationship and eventually, he couldn't even forgive me. That's when he cheated on me with another girl.
I was shattered. I felt so mad at him that I almost broke up with him. Despite all this, he never apologized for cheating on me and never even tried to help me forget the pain he caused me. I felt like he didn't want me back in his life. Maybe he was happy with the life he was living, exploring new things every day. But I wasn't happy without him.
So I begged him to meet me but he told me that he neither had the money nor the time to see me.
He was acting this way because he still hadn't forgiven me. Misunderstandings and lack of proper communication kept making things worse between us.
I cried day and night, fearing an arranged marriage. I hurt myself so that my boyfriend would feel guilty and finally listen to me and understand my point of view. But it was also a kind of revenge - I wanted to hurt him, like he hurt me. I learned only too late that revenge did no one any good and is absolutely hazardous for a relationship. Finally, when nothing I did could budge him, I thought of moving on with my life with a heavy heart. But just then, he decided to dump me by cheating on me.
He did all sorts of unacceptable things with his friends in a foreign land. This proved to be the last nail in the coffin and I ended everything with him.
So my dear, if you are reading this, I just want you to know this:
I don't know what you thought of me, but I loved you like crazy. I did not betray you, in any way. And I don't even have any complaints from you. All I need to tell you is that I was so unwell, when you chose to ignore, misunderstand and hurt me, that I used to faint suddenly, any time, anywhere, only because I was so tensed and stressed all the time. Of course, it won't affect you.
You knew how afraid I felt at the thought of marrying a stranger and sharing a bed with him. But in the end, through your actions, you pushed me closer towards my future husband, whoever he is.
I know you'll stay happy without me as you are quite well, even now. I wanted to write to you or talk to you before getting married, but now that you've cheated on me a second time, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you enough to be able to talk to you.
But, in a way, I am glad you cheated on me for it helped me take my mind off you. For my part, I will be happy without a treacherous man who didn't deserve my love.
I don't know if someday you'll miss me or not, but I know for sure that you will realize my worth and appreciate my loyalty soon.
I chose my career, yes, but I was still with you. I didn't find another man in all these years, because I was with you. You have lost me, forever. Had all this not happened, I would have loved to see you and talk to you years later over a cup of coffee, but now I only have hatred in my heart for you and I wish I never cross paths with you again.
True love is just an illusion. It never really exists. I learnt it later in life, but thankfully I learnt it well.