It had been 10 years of our relationship. Even after so many wonderful years I still felt lonely. He had too much of work pressure and that made him ignore me. It isn’t that he didn’t love me but somehow he used to fail in giving time to me and to our relationship.
Us girls tend to live in a dreamy world, just like a fairy tale.
Don’t we? We just hate it when people don’t express what they feel. I patiently waited for him for the next three years, thinking that all that he is doing today will surely brighten our future. Sooner, I started getting irritated. I wanted to live in the present and not in the future. I even fought with him several times. I told him everything, about how I felt, I cried; I did everything to save our relationship, but it all went in vain. I started losing all hope. My feelings for him started fading away.
But I was worried about something else; my parents. They had already accepted him as their future son-in-law. They had already planned our future and were absolutely comfortable seeing me with him.
The societal pressure started encircling me and stopped me from breaking up with him. I didn’t know what to do. Every time I used to think about it, I used to get numb.
And after all he was a good human being, a loyal and trustworthy boyfriend, my all time supporter. But without love and communication, how could we move ahead?
This directly impacted our sexual life. And he observed it too. He started doubting me for every small thing since then. Since the beginning he was too possessive, he didn't like me speaking with other boys. On the other hand, I was a social person but I always knew what my limits were and never even thought of crossing them. Our relationship was going through a very low phase.
And then he came. This guy gave me utmost care and love even after knowing that I had a boyfriend. I started getting everything that my boyfriend had stopped giving me.
But even after all that this new guy was giving me, I still loved my boyfriend. I wanted to marry him and settle down and even made this thing very clear to the new man in my life. In fact I tried to ignore him several times, but my bad I could not see him get hurt. And probably this was the biggest mistake I made.
I worried more about not hurting him than cheating on my own love. And all this continued for a year.
My situation was becoming pathetic. Though I was very clear on the fact that I had to get married to my boyfriend, I had started developing feelings for this new guy.
The more I tried to avoid him, the more we got closer. Fortunately there came a time when all these things ended. My boyfriend got to know that I was cheating on him. Though not the whole story, he understood in bits.
But I think no girl was luckier than me; because my boyfriend gave me a second chance. He started going back to how we were.
But by then, unfortunately, I had started feeling guilty for what I did to him. I started avoiding my boyfriend intentionally. I thought that my loyal and innocent boyfriend deserved a better girl and definitely not a cheat like me. I decided to walk out of his life; though he tried his best to save me for his entire life. How could I spend my life with that guilt? Putting a square peg into a round hole! Yes I walked out.
I not only broke his heart but our wonderful life, our dreams, our parents' dreams and everything. And yeah the “other man” left me too, somewhere being the reason for all this. I don't blame him completely for this, because it should have been me who shouldn't have let things out of control.
I don’t even blame my boyfriend for not giving me time earlier. Rather I don't even know why all this happened! What to blame! And whom to blame! I am completely clueless about my future, my career, my life.
I just wish my ex boyfriend leads a beautiful life. He deserves every bit of happiness. Meanwhile the other man who made me happy whenever I was sad, I don't know what his intention really was, but let happiness stay with him too.