I was my father's princess since childhood. I got everything that my father could afford and sometimes even more. I was the youngest in the family with two older brothers who pampered me a lot.
It all started 6 years back when I was 13 and my family moved to Delhi.
I don’t know what people will think about me after reading this, but it is impossible for me to carry this burden anymore.
I know I will be judged one day, then why not today!
My brother had moved to another town for his graduation, hence my cousin sister started living with us to pursue her studies. We were in the same class and shared a great bond. We siblings were happy together and loved each other despite the difference in our nature.
My father provided her with everything, but he never loved her like he loved my brothers and me.
As we grew up, things took a turn for the worse. He started looking at my sister inappropriately, and it wasn’t long before I noticed it.
It was hard to believe that my papa, my superhero, could think of my sister in such a wrong way.
She was 3 years older than me but was like my baby sister. She started getting uncomfortable in my father's presence, and that discomfort soon turned into hatred.
I tried my best to stop my father from getting close to her and I was successful too. But the truth started killing me.
I didn’t have the courage to confront my father. I couldn’t hate him nor could I express my love for him anymore.
Everything was visible to my mom and grandmother but they turned a blind eye to it, instead of asking my sister to behave decently.
I fought with my parents and my grandmother a thousand times for my sister and for my masi (Aunt) who meant more to me than my mother. To me, she was a friend, the only person who understood me in my whole family.
But my parents started getting insecure because of my closeness to her.
I was lonely and looking for love and peace. It was during this time that I met a guy in my school. He seemed intelligent, caring, and nice.
We became best friends and fell in love within 6 months. I thought I’d get all the love I needed from this relationship. However, reality came knocking.
He was nice at heart but was a weak person who had trust issues.
He couldn't commit or stay true to his commitments. He would break up with me every few days without any reason. He’d block me from everywhere, leaving me with no way of communication. Since we were in the same school, I’d manage to convince him every time.
We hadn't completed even a month of our relationship when he wanted me to tell my parents about my feelings for him. I tried explaining that it was not a good idea but gave in after a few days.
I confessed and soon my parents and every teacher in the school made sure that we didn't meet. Yet, just seeing him in school was enough for me.
We continued chatting on Facebook and also took admission in the same coaching classes for a year. I couldn’t afford to lose him.
The truth about my parents and the environment in my family kept breaking me from within.
Even though I was the youngest, I had to be the responsible one. I was expected to counsel my parents during their fights and be their mediator for hours.
I had to hear my sister wish for my father's death.
My sister was beautiful and wanted to live life to the fullest but she was very impulsive. She never thought about the consequences of her actions.
When she got into a relationship, she began ignoring my advice. I tried warning her many times that her boyfriend was not the right person but she asked me to stop interfering.
I couldn’t stay angry when this boyfriend cheated on her. But we’d lost our comfort zone.
Things became harder when one of my relatives started harassing me. I couldn’t even tell my parents about it.
How could I expect the people who didn’t respect my sister to understand what I was going through?
They gave me education and luxury but not the freedom and trust they gave my brothers. They weren’t typical Indian parents; they didn’t chain or cage me neither did they give me the right to fly.
My boyfriend left me after 3 years of our relationship because of a misunderstanding. I was lonely once again.
It was around that time when a childhood friend contacted me on Facebook. I was happy because I thought I’d finally found a true friend.
Soon, he proposed and promised to give me all the happiness and love that I’d never got.
But as soon as I said yes to him, he changed. I broke up in a week and isolated myself. I was depressed and unable to trust anyone anymore.
I always trusted people very easily but everything that happened left me vulnerable.
It has been 2 years since my breakup and I’ve become a completely different person. I get nervous for no reason.
My brain doesn’t trust anyone while my heart still wants to trust everyone.
So I’ve stopped listening to my heart. Now, I don’t ever want to fall in love.
I had some good friends who left me for unknown reasons while some are too busy with their lives and are unable to understand me. There are a few friends who have been by my side and their support has helped me survive.
I was a calm cheerful girl. I still smile a lot and no can guess that something is wrong in my life.
I have become good at hiding my pain and lying but I’m not strong anymore.
I no longer have the same courage that I once had to handle everything. I get weak while talking about my family. I’m not a romantic anymore and believe that I will never be happy.
I know that every person who comes into my life will leave me.
I got intimate with 2 of my friends and I won’t explain or justify my actions. I liked the first guy and with the second, I gave in to my weakness and loneliness when he started talking about my parents.
This is my story, right or wrong, good or bad, this is who I am.