Hello everyone, today I am sharing my painful story with all of you. Kaash, ye story tum bhi padh lo jaanu (I used to call him that). In Mumbai, when I was in my teens, I was naturally attracted to boys just like any other teenager. I fell in love with a guy who was much older than me. I mean LOVE. It was nothing less than or other than that. He understood me, what made me smile or how I would behave, when. One fine day, he proposed me. I got scared. I didn't understand what should I do or how I should respond. I took time to revert. Soon there came a day when I went to the PCO (we didn't have mobiles at that time), and I told him that I love him so much. I didn't know anything about life, then. I kept calling him daily by putting coins in the PCO. It affected my studies (10th standard), slowly. He was living in the same building as mine. One day, I was sitting in my hall, and he was coming up from the stairs.
He wanted to tell me something, but was not getting the right words. Then he placed his hand on his pants. I just broke. I became like a statue. I figured out what he wanted from me. My heart broke, as if it had shattered like mirror. I was crying like mad. I put an end to our relationship.
For some reason, we both had moved from the same building. That is just what I wanted. Then I got my own mobile phone in hand. I had made new friends also; my level of thinking had matured. I started flirting and went to degree levels.
But my final ambition was clear: I wanted to work, I did not want to be dependent on anybody.
Near my coaching class, I came across one handsome guy, who was working in a nearby shop. We started to flirt and eventually, this turned to love. He proposed me. I called him back to say that I love you too, but the phone kept disconnecting again and again. Maybe, my God wanted to stop me from all this. But then I sent him an SMS and then he called me. We were like love birds after that. Months passed. One day, he told me to visit him at his shop. I went there, and he told me to wait near the stairs because nobody goes there. Above this, there was a bank. I said no, and I went back home. That day we quarrelled about this, and I cried a lot. So, the next day, I went to that place, near the stairs. He came, and we started to talk privately, then he kissed me. I felt good. But I was so scared.
After some days passed, he forced me to visit him in his room, and I begged him not to do so. He said that he sees me as his wife, because he is going to marry me. He was very important to me, so I agreed. I lost my virginity to him.
He loved me so much. As I told all of you earlier, I had many boys’ contact numbers, but that was only for fun. This was the love of my life and he was loving me honestly, but these contact numbers are what broke us. One day, when we both were talking, I received a text: “Hi, how are you?” He saw it and I lied that it was from my friend, Priya. But he had a doubt. He called on that number and found out that it was a boy. He made a big deal about it. I told him that there was nothing between us and tried my best to convince him. But it was of no use. He went to that boy’s home and threatened him. I was questioning myself, why I loved this kind of gunda? But the fault was mine. He started to abuse me using very vulgar words. I couldn't hear all that.
Soon, he was punishing me, and blackmailing me that he would tell my parents everything, even about the sex which we had once in every two weeks, if I dared to leave him. His blackmailing continued.
I tried to assure him that I love him truly, and he had no reason to behave this way with me. I was suffering, I lost weight and became like a skeleton. He asked me to clear the room bill. I didn't have any money as I was only a college-going girl then. Yes, I completely lost my college life and youth behind him.
One day, after meeting him I went home at 6.30 pm, it was my regular coaching class time. Within five minutes, my dad came home.
He is a businessman and usually comes home late. We all wondered why he was home early that day. My mother told him to sit down but he seemed upset. He asked all of us to sit and then glared at me. He said that he got to know everything about my boyfriend. Then he started to abuse me using words which you people can't even begin to imagine. For me, that was hell. I had already suffered so much because of my boyfriend.
If my parents had been friendlier with me, I would have told them everything myself, but they were too strict and so I had to keep mum. Parents should not abuse their children, using such language. For me, my Papa was my king. But he expressed his anger very rudely, and he slapped me twice.
I had not expected to see a day where my life would become shameful like this. My brother also abused me very badly.
They told me to go and sit in the red light area.
It has been more than four years, but even today when I think of that day, it kills me from inside. Now I am a married woman and a mother of a cute little baby boy. I still love my family - my dad, mom, brother, husband and sweet baby, are my life. I know that the fault was mine and I shouldn't have gone to bed with him. But those words coming from my parents are killing me even today, in this moment.
I still have dreams about him. Ever since that day, my sleep has become disturbed.