I Am A ‘Sanskaari’ Woman So I Can Never Say NO After My Marriage

Anonymous Anonymous in Dirty Picture on 16 September, 2017

The most stupid and idiotic thing that I have ever come across is that a woman has two births; one before she gets married and one after she gets married. I mean, how ridiculous is this?

When one says this, does it simply imply that a woman has to restart her life from scratch after she gets married? Does it mean that she has to forget and also mend her ways after she gets married? She is used to doing some things for years, since her childhood in fact.

I am here to question all those people who have this kind of a thought at the back of their mind.

Why does a woman have to wholly and solely adjust in a totally different atmosphere and that too from the very first day? Why does she alone have to redesign herself completely?

She has been living with a certain set of people in totally different surroundings for an average of 25 years. Man! How can you expect her to change her ways within days or months? And how stupid it is of you to even have such expectations!

Just because she is married into your family, do you gain all the rights over her? Why are you taking her decisions for her and telling her ‘how to behave’ and ‘how to dress’?

Excuse me! Isn’t this ‘disguised dictatorship’ prevailing in the largest democracy of the world? From the day she is born till the day she gets married, her parents teach her so many things like good values, principles, morality, ethics, the standard of behavior, etc.


But at the same time, she is brought up with one continuous instruction, i.e. to adjust. This is a small yet powerful word ‘#Adjustment’ gets so deeply engraved in a girl’s mind that by the time she gets married she starts thinking that “I was born to adjust and I have to, no matter what!”

I guess parents are standing on the wrong pedestal because they are the ones who are restricting their girls from the very beginning.

They do not teach them to take a stand for themselves or to raise their voice and ask for their rights or to fight against something that is wrong.

Adjustment, I guess, is the most misunderstood word in our society. In the name of adjustment, a woman has to become one of the most flexible creatures here. She should always be ready to do things the way others want her to. She should always be a YES-MAN and can say ‘No to nothing.’

She should unquestioningly accept every change that is forced on her. If she retaliates against anything, she is tagged as the most annoying, irresponsible, senseless, non-adjustable (non-sanskaari) woman.

It is high time a woman realizes that she has her own distinct identity and character and she cannot sacrifice this for the sake of a ‘happy married life.’

First, analyze yourself and find out who you are. And then roar out loud and let the world know about it. You and you alone can limit people from taking you for granted and treating you as if you are their sole property.

It’s your liability and your responsibility to make everyone conscious of the simplest fact that you can lead your life by yourself and that you don’t need a charioteer to direct your life. Nobody can take charge of your life until and unless you surrender yourself. So the impractical notion that a woman takes a re-birth post marriage is, in reality, a useless belief.

Author's Note:

Food for thought: Should adjustment cost you your happiness? Is giving up your individuality justified?

Editor's Note:

Share this story if you believe that the entire family should be willing to adapt so that the daughter-in-law feels at home in her marital home too.