I was rising in his love when I was in depression.
We met on Facebook, via a mutual friend. We began chatting and it was great. After a long time, I had a smile on my face. Days passed and I finally fave him my whatsapp number. We began having beautiful conversations. Then, there came a time when I couldn’t hide my emotions from him and I told him that I liked him. He was surprised. He wasn’t sure how to react and even told me that our parents wouldn’t ever be okay with something between us.
I felt terrible but managed to hide my emotions. I told him that I just wanted him to know and I didn’t expect anything else from him. Things went back to normal again for a few days. Soon, he went off to Punjab, and I began missing him badly.
He wasn’t from Punjab but loved the place. He also loved the beauty of Himachal. He was a peace lover and an almost spiritual kind. We kept chatting while he was travelling, and he began to talk to me about his past. He had nearly 19 girlfriends. But I was different, that’s what he said. That I was special, lovable and took great care of him.
I smiled and smiled that night.
Slowly, I got to know that he was suffering from a kidney infection and was unable to walk for a long time. He didn’t hide anything from me. Knowing a lot about him, it just made me realize that I was in love with him… it was much, much more than just a crush.
I remember this one time, he was in Varanasi and he expressed his feelings to me. He said, “Listen, I love you.” And then there was this big pause. I was smiling. It was on a call and we never met when he said this.
I told him that I wasn’t beautiful, I was simply, short in height and never wore makeup. But he went on telling me that I was someone who had a beautiful soul. I believed everything he said and soon, we began exchanging photographs several times. One day, he told me that I trust him blindly… I said that I’ve never trusted someone as I had him.
Things were going well, but it soon he began looking for a job and he seemed to have no time for me. He began having health issues too, along with some other issues with his family. We both knew that our relationship didn’t have a future, but this was too soon.
Our relationship was falling apart. He didn’t have any time for me and in this, we kept breaking up and making up.
But one day, he finally called me to end things. I tried hard to keep us together, but we had never seen each other face to face and things were getting tougher and tougher. I tried asking him to meet me once, but he was adamant.
It didn’t take him long to block and delete me from Facebook, Whatsapp and whatever medium possible. I keep crying, but I just can’t seem to blame him for what’s happened between us. I’m trying to let my heart understand this, I’m just the 20thgirl on his list.