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For God's Sake, Stop Wandering Around Awkwardly With That Love Bite And Do This

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*For representational purpose only.
You turn your entire body to the left instead of just your head. You’ve been doing that all day but you have managed to make it look as normal as possible. You don’t have a stiff neck, you only have a little secret on the right side of it.

Hidden beneath your shawl or collar is a tiny purple bruise that can’t be anything other than the gift of your boyfriend’s teeth. You curse the world because if you ever got beat up by a man, you’d only have to say that you ‘fell down’ to get that black eye, but if you walk around with a love bite, you’ll be branded ‘promiscuous’ for life! Anger and resentment rise inside you because you live among idiots who think an act of love is more condemnable than an act of violence.

Nevertheless, you pat down the cloth on your neck, making sure that your love bite is hidden from the world. You’re not afraid of judgment- you’re just tired of being under the spotlight for no good reason, for being pushed into giving everybody an explanation for your personal life.

Then again, sometimes you need to be as professional as possible. You don’t even want a pimple to make you look like an awkward adolescent. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to figure out the best way to hide that hickey. There is no make-up hack in the world that you haven’t tried but something just doesn’t seem right. It’s purple in colour, for God’s sake! How is it going to disappear easily?

This is when I should let you know that you’re looking at it all wrong. My first advice to you is to let it go. Don’t bother- just walk into the world with your love bite. If you feel bothered by it, it’s all the more reason to rub it into people’s faces. They should learn never to be nosy again. It’s not their business to judge you for what you do in your personal life.

However, I agree that there are times that the hickey needs to stay ‘hidden’, but there are more permanent solutions than rubbing concealer all over it.

You’re making one mistake- you think the love bite is a mark that needs to be concealed, and that’s where you’re going wrong. The love bite is basically a bruise- and it needs to be treated.

This is really basic stuff- if you paid attention to your first aid classes in high school, you would know how to take care of this. But don’t worry, they made you memorize everything for a reason, I’m sure you can remember things even now.

Apply ice- that’s the first thing to do with any bruise, and your hickey is not an exception. But you’ll soon realize that it might help with the slight burning sensation on your skin, but it’s not really making it disappear. And this is when you got to figure it out like a pro.

Firstly, let’s understand what caused this little problem. Your boy decided to paralyze you with pleasure when he put his mouth to your neck. But instead of giving you an arm full of goosebumps, he caught a piece of your skin and sucked hard. When he did that, he shattered a few thousand blood vessels under your skin and kept them trapped in the space where he bit you. The blood got locked in because of the pressure of his sucking.

Now you realize that it isn’t any ordinary bruise- but it’s your man-made blood clot. The only way to make it go away is to un-clot it. And for that, all you need is a one rupee coin.

The thin, hard edge of a coin is the easiest device you can use to fix your blood clot. First, apply some ice to your hickey and then stand in front of a mirror. Using the coin, slowly scratch away the edges of your hickey. Apply a little pressure on your skin and sweep away the clotted blood. This will take you 5-10 minutes, but you’ll get there.

Soon, you’ll see that your love bite is growing into a large red patch. Don’t panic- you’re not making it worse. You’re only letting the blood flow back under your skin. Within a few minutes, the redness will be gone and your love bite will be smaller in size.
You may have to repeat this process a couple of times in the beginning because you’ll lose sight of the edges you have to scratch out. It’s fine because soon you’ll get a better grip on this than controlling your panicking boyfriend.

Sometimes, you might not be able to get rid of the love bite completely, but you’ll reduce it to the size of a mosquito bite and people will honestly not be able to tell the difference. Trust me, I speak from experience.

If you ask me, I’d still say you should do nothing about it. We should be able to walk into the world unburdened by the fact that we carry a love bite. It’s just as natural as having your period. Come on! Why should we be ashamed of an accidental stain either on our pants or on our necks? After all, they’re by-products of processes that cause and effect each other.

But just in case you really need to get rid of that hickey, you’re welcome.

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