Relationships heartbreak trust Cheating Sex Love

Every Time I Trust Him, He Breaks My Heart Again. But I Still Can't Give Up On Him.

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

My love life started when I was in college. I was very excited about making new friends. He was from another stream. 15 days after college started, he sent me a friend request. I accepted but didn't pay much attention to him...We started chatting on Facebook and it wasn’t long before he proposed to me. I took my time before I made a reply.

I started investigating him. Every person I spoke to about him used to say good things. My best friend also advised me to accept his proposal as he was a good-looking guy. He did his best to impress me so I would accept him. After another week, I finally gave in and accepted his proposal as I found nothing wrong. But he changed almost immediately. He rarely gave me any attention and barely talked to me. But I had developed deep feelings for him by now. I used to have a stupid smile and kept thinking about him all the time.

I wondered why he wouldn’t talk to me as much as used to but ignored that feeling as I was very happy.

One day, while I was sitting in class, one of my friends caught me looking at his picture and smiling to myself. She asked me about him. I told her that he is my boyfriend. Since she was in my social circle, she got introduced to him. In the meanwhile, there was a one-week vacation, so I went back to my hometown. During that time, my friend and my boyfriend came closer and talked more than we ever did. When I returned, everything had changed. He used to come to see me but spend all the time with my friend instead. This was a complete shock to me. I was jealous at first, but then after some time, I realized that they are more than friends.

I told him that we should break things off as it wasn’t working between us. But he would keep calling me all the time and start crying over the phone. I could not bear to see him like that, so I started talking to him again. But, then again; he started ignoring me. Due to this, I had a big fight with my friend and she stopped talking to me. I heard from other people that my boyfriend had proposed to her which is why she stopped talking to both of us. God knows what the truth is.  But he started giving me attention again and I was at top of the world!

But happiness had a habit of teasing me only to hide when I reached out to grasp it.

I heard a rumour that he had another girlfriend in another college. I investigated again and turns out it was true. I was so heartbroken and I would cry in pain. But again, his tears won me over. He asked me for a final chance and I forgave him again. For some time, I saw some change in him but I would frequently catch him checking out other girls. I was so disheartened. Whenever I would question him, he used to make excuses "Arre yaar galti se naza padh jaaye toh usmein bhi tumko problem".

But I am a girl. I know the difference between staring and “galti se nazar padh jaana". I ignored it again. Time and again, I would get to know rumours about him and time and again, we would fight but he convinced me. Things are still the same. He is not changing. now my college has been completed and we are in a long distance relationship. But now, I found him flirting with another girl on Facebook.

He is ready with his list of excuses “I am just kidding around. I always come back to you. Tum overact kar rahi ho. I don’t have a physical relationship with her.”

But it's betrayal, plain and simple. I am broken deeply and I am not sure I can be fixed. I have been with him for 4 years. 4 years of insecurity and heartbreak and pain. But I just can’t bring myself to leave him.  Everybody in college says he is not the right person for me. But I keep giving him chance upon chance in the vain hope that one day, he will improve. He says he loves me. He says will marry me. But I know he is lying. I want to forget him and move on. But I cant. I know I won’t be able to love someone else. I just keep praying that he will change one day.

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