Relationships sexual abuse indian woman abusive boyfriend trauma Love

Despite What I Went Through In Childhood, I Had The Courage To Love Him. Then He Also Did It To Me.

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

It all happened Almost 9 years back when I was 13 years old. Both my parents are working and so it was hard for them to pay attention towards my studies so they decided to hire a tutor for me. I should have understood everything very early on if my mother had told me clearly everything about good touch and bad touch. The first time my teacher came to visit us, the first question he asked was "She'll be studying in her own room right?" That made my mom suspect a little but he added

"As I can see there are lots of sources of disturbance in your house", to which my parents told him that no matter what she will be studying in the drawing room where my grandparents could keep an eye on me.

I had to admit that he was a very good teacher and within weeks the progress in my studies was very evident. So we all became a bit lenient and everyone relaxed a bit, and no one kept an eye on him. He was old and very kind to everyone but after a few weeks, things changed. Initially, it was touching here and there which I assumed was by accident but then his hand went on around my shoulder and with each passing day, it became a nightmare for me.

This one particular day, he touched my breasts while I was solving math problems. When I asked him what was he doing, he said "Acupressure, it will help you concentrate". I trusted him, and this kept on happening for quite a long time.

Months passed and he kept on molesting me but I had no clue if what he was doing was right or wrong. I am from a family where I am the only girl child. I have always been around my brothers playing with me, but after this man came in my life I started to distance myself from every other male around me. I detached myself from my father, my brothers and everyone noticed this but never in their wildest dreams they thought I was suffering or going through anything like this. They thought I was well protected and very strong, but this man changed me. I changed the way I dressed, I started wearing clothes that didn't allow even a single inch of my skin to show. And from a very confident extrovert, I turned into a low confident introvert. I thought this would stop all the torture but then one day, he crossed the limit and I knew I had to do something. He reached for my legs and slowly slid his hands inside my undies.

When I looked at him, he whispered "Shhhh acupressure, don’t you remember? Now study this will help you concentrate more". And he inserted his fingers into my vagina. I threw his hand away and asked him to leave right away. He didn't say a word and left. My grandparents kept asking me why he left early to which I didn't reply. But somehow, I gained some courage and told my mom that he kept his hands on my thighs which was enough for my mom to call him and ask him never to show up. This incident has left a huge impact on my life. I can never be the same, even though 9 years have passed since sitting too close to anyone makes me uncomfortable, be it a boy or a girl.

It’s very difficult for me to hug anyone or hold hands with anyone, it always reminds me of that man and also of my ex who was exactly like him, forcing me to do things in the name of love.

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