Many people think I am a silent and depressed person. To all these people I just want to say, “I am sorry. I have trust issues because I gave someone everything that I had and he just threw me away like a useless paper. Something broke within me that day. So I have become the person I am today.”

It’s been 5 years since this incident happened but I still regret it every day. The worst part is that I was nowhere at fault. Life took an entirely different turn for me after puberty. My eyes opened up to new things. I started experiencing new things and I was extremely fascinated by several things that were happening in my life. I felt this was the most confusing stage of my life. But I also learnt a lot during this phase. 

I learnt that even the smallest joke can change us as a person.

I had a huge group of friends in my society. We were all kids who spent endless hours having fun together. We all knew that we would cherish these memories forever. But one memory will haunt me forever. I was in grade 8 when one of my best friends told me that she had a crush on one of the guys who lived in our society. She was a little shy and did not know how to approach him. This was because he was not in our group of friends. So she came to me for help. I told her that I would try my best to see if I could do anything to help her.

I befriended him and started talking to him. I subtly hinted at my friend too to him. I set up things for them several times so that they could meet each other. But something or the other always came in their way. Later on, I realized that it was my fault – at least partially.

I had become close to him in such a short span of time that my adolescent mind had started wandering.

I had developed feelings for him. I tried brushing such feelings and thoughts away but it was very difficult to do this.

He was perfect in every way. He was an extremely good-looking guy who always made me laugh. Yet I could sense the gentleness in him.

I started feeling guilty because I knew I was talking to him only for the sake of my friend.  A couple of weeks later, I was on cloud nine when my friend told me that she was no longer interested in him. I confided in her and told her how I felt about him. She told me it was absolutely fine by her if I wanted to forge a relationship with him.

So I continued meeting the guy and over a period of time, we both realized that the bond between us was getting stronger by the minute.

It was as if we understood each other more than we understood ourselves. We felt very comfortable in each other’s company.

Instead of sleeping we spent all our nights texting each other. I thought only of him all through the day. One night we were sending each other really lame jokes when suddenly he sent me a text which caught my attention. It said, “I love you.” I felt as if the world had stopped.

I knew we were only kids but my happiness knew no bounds at that time. I was so happy because the guy I liked had similar feelings for me too. We then got into a relationship and everything about our lives was ‘cutesy’.

All my friends constantly teased me. I blushed like a tomato whenever I saw him. I knew things couldn’t get any better than this. At least that is what I thought.

Well - things did change but for the worse.

He asked me to meet him in the park of our society after a week. I dressed up very well and my face already had a cheerful smile on it. I went to the park at the scheduled time. In fact, I reached a few minutes early. But somehow instead of having butterflies in my stomach, I was filled with a sense of dread when I saw him approaching me. I could sense that something was amiss. I was getting very negative vibes from him.

Two words and seven letters changed my world completely. He said, “It’s over.”

He then told me that he had placed a bet with his friends to see if he could make me his girlfriend for even a week and he had won.

He had reduced me to just a joke when I had trusted him with my entire being.

I was unable to say anything. I ran back home. I felt numb. I wanted to cry but no tears flowed out of my eyes. I wanted to scream but my throat was parched. I called my best friend and she came over right away. She helped me feel better but I was still shaking from inside. I knew that something had blanked out on me. I knew I had lost the ability to feel anything. Late that night, I sent him one last message.

But he humiliated me for it. He called me a desperate bitch. He said I was like a pr*st*t*t* and to him, I was just like a useless speck of dust. I felt ashamed of myself though I knew that I was not at fault.

He then spread rumours around my society and in my school too. It became difficult for me to walk anywhere with my head held high. I shuddered to even think of a word like ‘trust'. I knew I did not deserve all the names that he called me. And I heard them all the time now.  All my so-called friends started mocking me now. They started judging me and made me feel like a weakling.

I have created walls around myself now. I find it very difficult to converse with people or confide in them. I rarely express my emotions now and there are times when I start crying without any reason.

I have become like this after I went through this incident. People question me all the time and ask me why I don’t let them in. I know it’s not their fault. But I also know that it is not my fault that I am like this.

I am slowly trying to become my usual normal self. I am more confident about being who I really am. But I know that it will take me my entire life to truly come out of this incident.

Share This Story