To Every Single 28-Year-Old: Figure Out Your Life First

Bootpolish G Bootpolish G in Let's Face It on 9 December, 2016

You're 28. You will turn thirty before you know it. And yes, you don't want to die alone, badly dressed and surrounded by cats. But unless you figure out your life, that is possibly what's going to happen. But weddings, candid wedding photographers, lavish ceremonies and of course the mandatory Facebook profile photographs, broadcasting love and all the other fluffy, pink balderdash isn't going to change any of that.

You have now reached that age where everyone, I mean everyone, you know is getting married. Which would be fine, usually. But celebration of marital bliss seems to come with a regrettable amount of social media oriented mush. Photographs, heart-shaped balloons, the never ending comments congratulating the suitably photoshopped couple.

To be blatantly honest, it's annoying, it's irritating, especially when you're in this age. When you're as old as me. There are apparently a thousand weddings taking place in Delhi right now. That's a thousand every day. Mathematically, it's not an anomaly. In fact, that might even be routine. But what really isn't, is this great rush to get hitched with the equally frantic need to broadcast said life event.

Perhaps, it's the all-too human fear of being alone, being anonymous.

But ultimately, this hunt for finding the next 'big adventure' in your life translates into:

1. A new profile picture 2. Changing relationship status 3. Checking your phone a million times a day for updates 4. Feeling satisfied for a second 5. Check phone again

If only your romance, your marriage was about just that — your love and nothing else, it wouldn't be so intolerable. But unfortunately, not only do you feel the need to broadcast the practiced, tired smiles from D-Day onto every social media platform you have on your smartphone, but then there are the inevitable questions.

"You're next right?" "Who are you seeing right now?" "You guys have been seeing each other for a while, time to get hitched, no?"

Or my personal favorite.

"You guys broke up. Aw. I am sure you will find someone else. Wait, you want me to set you up?"

Yes. I want exactly that you mother****er, I want to burn something or someone, or perhaps just the mad, wedding celebration taking place outside my house for the past few hours. But my present state of rage hasn't completely banished all the logic from my system. The other day, my oldest friend turned up at my place to invite my parents to his wedding.

Honestly, I was so happy for him. He's been seeing this girl for years now and over the years, while it was obvious to us, that they would be getting married — it wasn't to their respective parents. And after a torrid, very filmy one year of fights, settlements and tense meet-the-parents-over-cold-cups-of-tea, a date was finally fixed. All good, right? No. Because after giving the card to my mom, he did the unthinkable. He said,

"So, aunty. Now he's gonna get married right?"

I was attempting the Star Wars — Force thing, simultaneously trying to thrash him against the wall while boiling him. Didn't work. Instead my mom looked at me, her eyes flashing anger.

I felt my insides curl up in fear. After he left, protected by his own sense of marital bliss, grinning foolishly at his phone that kept informing him about how happy people felt about his new status as an engaged man, my mother said, "Why don't you just marry somebody? How long are you going to keep doing this?" Doing what, I asked.

"This. This business of dating, sexing and whatever else you do. Just get married, be an adult."

Firstly, no one should have to hear their mother talk about their sexing habits, it's extremely embarrassing and I could write an entire rant about that separately. But for now, let's focus on this. Marriage - adulthood - really? And WHO should I marry — my ex girlfriend or my first girlfriend who I'm still trying to get over or the girl who just messaged me on Tinder?

Seriously, who should I marry dear mother? No one, seriously, no one I know who has gotten married in the past year has done so and suddenly transformed into an adult. Let's face it, we've been kidding ourselves about being adults. You have just been watching life go by. Your idea of self, who you constitute revolves not around your Facebook profile and not any semblance of goals.

No we aren't adults, we're passive, defensive, insecure, petulant children masquerading as adults. Marriage, will not change, that.

Figure out your life. And please, for God's sake, ignore those fools on Facebook, after you congratulate them.