Love: Love is like a beautiful illusion which we so badly want to believe in. This is what I feel. We are highly influenced by romcoms. It’s like you love them the same way as you love superhero movies.
When you see a superhero movie, you like it and maybe start assuming yourself in their avatar. You know it can’t be true. You like the idea of it. You wish it was true. The same thing happens with a romcom I guess.
As human beings, our feelings are very complicated. Every person is different from others and each person is different on different days. We change a lot. Our opinions change, so do our thoughts and feelings. Everyone has a different take on Love and they are possessive about that idea.
Why do you seek love from the same person you love? It’s only natural. It’s our tendency to feel like that. We often depend on others about how we feel about ourselves. It’s a very complicated thing. Self Love is obviously missing. And sometimes it’s also not enough. We should feel loved by someone we can say is ours. And there come all the problems I guess. In the process, we become possessive where we feel that maybe the love we are getting may get divided or disappear.
So what is love? Either all are right answers or all are wrong answers. Why do you fall in love with a specific person? What is he/she to you? How do you know you are in love with that person? Are there any signs? Can you stop loving someone? Does it take a terrible incident to stop loving the person?
Falling in love with the love the person shows and falling in love with the person are different (or same). Fingers crossed. Love makes us vulnerable.
Should it be like that? Why is it making us vulnerable? Why is it making us insecure? Why is it making us feel bad about ourselves? If something is making you feel all that, is it really love? And is it worth it? Relationships: I feel that love and relationship both are very different.
You can be in love with someone and can’t stand them in a relationship. I mean to say - your relationship may not work out. Relationships have become like hell. What I think is that most people don’t know why they are getting into relationships and don’t know how to get out of a very troubling and toxic and unhappy one. And also most people won’t accept that. I always had a doubt.
Why are most couples not best friends? If you are not friends, you are not good partners and you definitely are not good for each other. If your partner is not one of your best friends, then I don’t know how you two are happy together. Maybe this is why your partner is jealous of your respective opposite gender bestie.
There is a lot of peer influence on relationships. Every relationship is different and every person gets into a relationship for different reasons. We cannot compare our relationships with others'. If you are entering a relationship due to peer influence or just for the sake of it, then it’s clear that even the first step into the relationship is not right and the sufferings and heartbreaks are inevitable. Even if the first step is not right, how can a relationship last?
I personally feel relationships are very simple. We obviously make them complicated. This might also happen because the first step is wrong or because of past relationships or some other reasons. The way you were as a person might have made you feel insecure in past relationships. The insecurities and the shortcomings carry forward.
Firstly as people, we are not so great. We have so many shortcomings. Getting into a relationship is all making it worse. We should make each other happier when we are together. First, we should be happy single. And we should be happier getting into a relationship. We should try to make each other better people. We shouldn’t make each other more vulnerable. We should help each other overcome our fears and insecurities but not create new ones. We should learn to respect each other. Treat each other well. Let each other be the way they are. Equality should be in everything. Learn to behave that way.
Treat your lover like you treat your best friend and your partner in marriage like you treat your lover.
The kind of mindset we have right now might be the way. We shouldn’t be influenced by who might already are influenced by people. Like on social media by the posts of couple goals and the perfect couple and all. I think we get into relationships to be happier. And when that’s not evident, we have to get out of it. Don’t you think?
If your parents are the problem, then either convince them or go against their will. Don’t get into it half marriage, hoping everything will be fine in a few days or months. Your partner will be affected by it. Two people or friends of the same gender also face problems staying together for a long time.
When we get to spend a lot of time together and know a lot about each other, it slowly becomes difficult to stay together. And it's obvious that two people who have a lot of expectations from each other will have to face problems staying together. We should treat each other as equal beings. We should respect each other.
Most women have problems with men. Most men grow up with an idea that they are superior to their female counterparts. Women would have been suffering and facing discrimination right from childhood in their own homes from their own parents and male siblings. She used to hope (not anymore) that maybe her world would change when she gets married and has some man to herself and maybe he treats her right. But that’s not happening in most cases. They are being discriminated against further. Men usually joke about women complaining about things that are silly apparently.
When a woman targets you and says a lot of things, it’s maybe because of something that you said or did earlier rather than at that point in time. And that something usually is you not treating her right or you behaving that she is not your equal counterpart or treating her in a certain way because of her gender. So equality is what is very important because we all are equal.
If at all I, need someone new in my life, I want that someone to understand me and let me be myself. All the people in my life right now are either concerned or worried about me. And everyone has an idea and opinion on how I should be and how my life should be and how much I should be earning when I should get married and how many kids I should have.
Basically what’s been happening is we are born and there isn’t our say in it. We are growing up and studying and whatever we are doing mostly doesn’t have our say in it. We are getting married. No one asks us if we want to. And then there’s no say in the life partner being chosen. Then enter the kids. No one asks us if we want children or if we want them yet.
We all must have heard that parents' love is unconditional. Is it really though? Is every parent like that?
Relationships formed in marriage: I feel that from day one of fixing a marriage, there is a sort of negative tension between the parents-in-law. It’s etched in their minds that no we don’t/shouldn’t like each other. I have only one question then. Then why the hell are you getting your son/ daughter married in their families?
I know some divorce stories where the reason is not the husband but the in-laws. Parents usually have this strange kind of possessiveness and insecurity that their son will get away from them. That he will love his wife more than them. I always had one doubt about it.
Then why do they force their children to get married? In most cases, I get terrible answers for those. They think marriage is a given. They need a woman (bahu) to torture, to show authority which might make them feel like queens of the world. Then why do the girl’s parents force them to get married have already known about the scenarios in would-be in-laws' homes? They are conditioned to do so. And also they are in so much hurry to get their daughter married and send them away from home.
Mere Khud ke ghar pe, Maine pucha kyun jaldi mein ho behen ko shaadi karaane ke liye? I got the most shocking answer.
Beta ladkiyon ko jyaada din ghar pe nahi rakhni Chahiye.
I was like...what!!?? Toh bole ki arre aisa bahut hai...tereko nahi pata chor do. Parents usually love their grandchildren but not their daughter/son-in-laws. They didn’t know why they got married. They don’t know why they are getting their kids married. I think we should gradually prepare our parents for our marriage. I guess just dropping a few things about us now and then would do the trick.
How is arranged marriage any different from love marriage from in parents’ perspective? Arranged marriage: In most cases, they hate their daughter/son-in-law gradually if not immediately. But they just love the grandchildren. I never understood the logic behind this. Also, the co-parents-in-law hate each other. Usually, this starts immediately after the marriage which is confusing on so many levels. They just got their kids married to each other.
I guess even God can’t possibly know the reason. This happens as the first and second rule in marriage. 1) Dislike the daughter/son-in-law 2) Dislike their parents. Maybe their mind is conditioned to do so. I guess I can never know why! Maybe they themselves don’t know why they are like that. Maybe it is worth going through this if at least the couple is happy with each other in the marriage. But even that seems like asking for too much. Finally, they end up blaming their parents for the horrible (if that’s the case) match they brought.
I actually feel like in most of the cases of course parents play a huge part in bringing us up and in the end, they are the ones who let us down as well. Like why do husbands not like their wives and mothers-in-law but the child she gives birth to? Fathers love their daughters. But don’t they realize that his daughter is going to be facing the same hate and challenges that are thrown at her mother? Seeing her mother not standing up to you (the father) makes her think that’s how it’s supposed to be? How is it love that you are showing? She will be the part of same patriarchy that her mother is in. She is going to get the same treatment.
Cheating in a relationship: Talking about cheating in a relationship, how is your partner having sex with someone else a problem but he/she treating you badly is not, discriminating against you based on gender is not, How come toxicity in your relationship is not? Domestic violence is not?
It means we are not able to look at a relationship beyond physical. I have only watched movies or heard/read stories of people being cheated in a relationship, which in all cases is infidelity. Is emotional infidelity fine? What if you were attracted to someone else or started liking someone else? Is it also considered cheating or only acting upon the feelings is considered cheating? Is physical infidelity the extreme case of cheating that leads to a break-up? How should one handle it? Are there levels of infidelity? Are sexual relations outside the relationship the highest level of it? Maybe reasons for cheating: Falling out of love and not brave enough to communicate There’s a physically weak moment.
Pervert the nature of sex with your partner great? Is that the reason that’s keeping you together? If not then how come it can break you up? Why are people not brave enough to communicate? To them, does cheating feel well or else keeping secrets? Or is the confidence that they can’t be caught? They do know that inflicts a lot of pain on the other person. Still, why do they go for it?? Why do they wait till it gets worse? Communicating prior causes less pain maybe? Maybe a direct breakup is not worse than a post-cheating breakup. So is it fine if your partner did cheat on you in secret and stopped all of that after a while and you had no idea about it? When it’s finally out and you knew about this, did you ever question yourself in an above-mentioned way? Is there any case of cheating where it doesn’t make any difference? If yes, will the relationship stay the same as earlier? If not, then is it worth being in it with constant guilt, or is being in the relationship better than a breakup?
Physical relation stands high on everyone’s list. Being unfaithful is breaking the trust. Is it how it’s described?? Is checking out each other’s mobile also considered cheating?? It’s also trust-breaking. It might be a simple mistake. That doesn’t lead to a break-up. Is not telling each other everything also cheating? There’s definitely a trust issue there. That doesn’t cause a breakup. If you are chatting with someone else and you don’t want your partner to see the chat, it means you don’t think he/she will understand that it’s a genuine chat but a chat that may lead to cheating or falling for someone else. In that case, you don’t trust your partner with the chat thing. Also if your partner does think that there’s something brewing in the chat, which makes him/her insecure and makes them think a chat may end the relationship, there’s obviously no trust. It gives a conclusion that both don’t trust each other. This doesn’t lead to a breakup as well.
If there’s a financial angle to it, like secretly losing money on an investment or a venture, is it called cheating? That’s also breaking the trust. Does that lead to a breakup? Or do people usually say don’t worry? I have your back. It’s a terrible mistake but we do get past that. Is sexting also considered cheating? Is imagining sex with someone else also considered cheating? Is kissing someone else considered cheating? Sure one of you is hurt and there’s a lot of emotional suffering. I think that in most of those cases, that too doesn’t lead to a breakup.
Finally, is having sex outside the relationship considered cheating? Maybe 100% (only you know if you are not one of those) of people will say YES to this. Did people figure out how to deal with it? Or just with a number of fights and with hatred and anger, breakup happens? Are there cases where they patch up? Like if it happened in a weak and vulnerable moment and they still love each other. Are we strong enough to never bring it up again in the future?
In recent times, open relationships and open marriages are thriving. We have kept the physical relation above all when cheating is concerned. But do we keep it above all while getting into a relationship?