friendship open letter depression Suicide

A Letter To The Caller Who Changed My Mind When I Was Ending My Life

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Dear Saviour,

It was 11:10 am when I got back to my room. For the first time in all these years, I thought my four bed AC room was too big for me. But I thought this soulless surrounding is appropriate for my intentions. I had just spoken to you before coming up to my room. I told you how upset I was but little did you know about my future plans. I looked around and found that the rooms near my room were locked, there was no one in the hostel corridor and the caretakers had gone for a snack. I decided this is it, the moment had arrived where the last resort had to be attempted.

For a second, I looked back and wondered what went wrong? I had the perfect family, the best boyfriend, so then why was I thinking of taking this drastic step which would not only put a question on my existence but also destroy my family and boyfriend.

I was always a happy-go-lucky, chubby, carefree girl who did not know what she wanted from life and lived through all ups and downs of life with a smile. Then why was this girl pushed to commit this sin today? I took off the ring you had given me from the fourth finger of my left hand and placed it in the ring box in my cupboard. I didn’t want to see it and fall weak. I knew medication overdose hardly had any effect on me so I climbed up on my roommate’s bed and struggled to find a way to tie my bedsheet to the fan above. Once I saw the bedsheet swing in the room, I saw fear at its worst.

I felt this weird sense of pain, like I had faced a massive defeat. I knew I had survived it all in my life, from being cheated on to being molested twice, I had been through it all but still lived through it. But today, I had lost.

Amongst all this hassle, my phone rang, it was you. You had an interview in a couple of hours so I decided to take the call. I acted normal and did not tell you anything about what I was up to. But you sensed it in my voice and said, “Kiddo seriously mera ch*tiya banayegi? Ab bata kyu ro rahi hai.” I started laughing while tears rolled down my cheeks. That was the moment I knew I had to live with you through this, not for me, not for my career, not for my mom and dad but for you.

I owe my life to you, if it wasn’t for you man, I wouldn’t be here writing this.

Yours Truly, Kiddo

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