I have been through some of the darkest days of my life for the past two and half years since I have moved to the US. I didn’t like the course I was doing in my college, I couldn’t make a lot of friends. The girl I loved and dated for almost two years broke up with me (though most of it was my own fault and I drove her to that point. Still it hurt me a lot to lose her).

I graduated and couldn’t find a job for 6 months, I stopped communicating with all my family members out of guilt and couldn’t face them. I kept turning down their calls and spoke to them only on very rare occasions. This made my family very anxious. Especially my mother and father.

There was a time when my mom called me and started crying. She even offered to come to the US and stay with me to provide moral support. On the other hand, my dad had to pay interest every month for the student loan they took to afford my studies in the US, which is a big portion of his monthly income. This added to my guilt. On top of all this I couldn’t even talk to my aunt and uncle who were part of the reason why I came to the US. They persuaded my parents to let me leave so that I could have a better future. With all the effort I was putting into finding a job, which was literally nothing, I felt like I let them down and couldn’t face them.

I just went into a mode of self-denial, telling myself I can’t do anything and I am not good enough to achieve anything in life. I didn’t even take help from a lot of my family friends who genuinely wanted to help me find a job. But they kept reaching out to me even though I never did anything they asked me to do.

I have come to a point where my life seems to be going nowhere, where there’s nothing good to look forward to, where I feel like I am failing at everything I try to do, where I want to quit. The problem is, quitting accomplishes nothing, but fighting back that feeling does. Quitting anything in life is not a solution to any problem in life, doesn’t matter how big or small the problem is. The will to fight back those problems is the only thing that can keep me going.

Laziness, being irregular and unpunctual, not sticking to my word, not having any goals in life, hiding away from responsibilities, not being able to complete anything that I embark upon doing in life are the few things that have put me in the state of oblivion that I am living today. Today I realize how important “Self-Reflection” is in anyone’s life.

There’s no difference between animals and humans if we cannot learn from our mistakes. When things go south in life, we have to take a moment to stop and look back at what we are doing and what’s failing us.

Today I look at all the things that I have been doing wrong in my life. So I know that time has come for me to stop being lazy, to start being responsible in life and start to set goals for myself. I have to live a life where I can be in a position to be able to help my family and every one I love and care about, to set a good example of how one should live life.

I understand it is going to be hard to turn my life around from the dark path that I have taken. But, I have to do it and I will. It will be a long journey from here, but I will prepare myself to face any hardships I encounter in the process.

This is a letter I write to remind myself always that I will never set myself on the path of destruction. I have a great family that loves me and are ready to give me all the support I need in life to succeed. So it is my responsibility to do all I can and succeed in life.

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