After Being In Lockdown For Almost 2 Months, I Finally Cried For These People

Diksha D Diksha D in Life In The Times Of Corona on 14 April, 2020

14.04.2020, 1:06 am

Mumbai, India

“As paradoxical as it sounds: The best way to shield yourself from nasty surprises is to anticipate them,” says Rolf Dobelli in his book The Art of Thinking Clearly. Seemed apt to quote him here, considering the time, the anxiety, the expectations. I hope this will bring a smile to your face if not hope. 
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I try hard, sometimes, to stay positive, don’t I? Today is exactly one of those days. In my defence, life is tough, especially right now. 

Jumping or rather pouncing straight to the point. Important day today. 9 hours from now, we’ll get to see our beloved Prime Minister’s very calm but dreaded face again, after which, a massive part of our day will go on seeing his memes and hopefully laughing. The strange virtual times we’re experiencing today has its advantages, or some of us are trying to look at it that way.  

Honestly, I’ve started to think Covid19 has started playing with us a little bit. The 13th Morning started with ‘good news’ of flattening of the curve finally, but as we approached the dark of the night (literally), 905 news cases were reported and 51 deaths happened in a matter of 24 hours. This curve seems to have a leash around our necks, doesn’t it? At least that’s what our lockdown story looks like right now. The curve that is appealing to nobody in this world. 

I hope, tomorrow, is a new day and a new speech when our PM will acknowledge a few key tangible elements. Like, what have the funds been used for till now? What’s happening with the migrant workers? Are they being given food regularly? Are the testing kits hitting our healthcare system by the 15th and how can we procure it? No offence, but we need facts and figures to judge the situation as much as he does. More importantly, we need to heave a sigh of relief and with no incentives, humans lose their productive paths, he as a leader should know more than anyone. I’m going to subtly leave these questions for him here, hoping the universe will help me answer these for us. 

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Drifting away just a little bit from the corona conversation, how are you doing today? How did your morning start? Mine was a terrible morning - I woke up to a phone call from my domestic help Didi and it bothered me for a while until I cried and realized why I actually cried. And that changed the course of my day. No points for guessing that I had a breakdown because of almost 2 months of shutting myself in my house with my sister. No points for guessing that it’s hard to be optimistic living in the most affected state in the country, away from home. And, no points for guessing that the going gets hard sometimes. And it’s okay. 

I had an epiphany today while I was trying to deal with my helplessness and I honestly don’t know whether I should thank Didi for checking up on me. I know she has her own challenges and yes, I am going to pay her, but even when she wasn't here, she was making an attempt to look after me. What can I do for her? It brought me face to face with our reality. 

I had to confront our reality that's way beyond interpersonal relationships right now. The reality that’s reaching out to us, to make history in our own little ways. Our reality that deserves more than social media posts. The reality that, for once, needs every one of us to contribute to a cause, if we can afford to. Our reality, that could put the deadly climate crisis on hold. The reality that does not discriminate against you on the grounds of gender, caste, colour, creed, class. That reality, our reality, that’s the greatest test of our hearts and minds. 

How much of your heart you open to humanity today will define how you face yourself in the mirror every day for the rest of your life. The point is that Didi's call made me realize that this time is beyond anything we’ve ever seen or felt before - however crisis-ridden we maybe. 

After I cried out my emotions after two and a half months of being in a helpless scenario, I thought to myself - we’re in a lockdown not because of riots, not because of a war, not because of the floods or the climate, but a virus. I firmly believed that humans will kill humans and that’s how the world will come to a finish line. I really couldn’t have imagined the world coming together to fight a single battle and now, here we are. 

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What can be more important in our lives than this very virus that dared to bring our lives to a complete halt? Nothing, absolutely nothing. 

So if you’re locked down and you’re regretting or getting angry about certain things or people in your past or present life, stop. Stop now. Deal later. 

Today, focus on staying safe, helpful and healthful. Because you deserve it, for cooperating during the toughest time of our lives. 

Xo

Editor's Note:

After this journal entry was written, Prime Minister Narendra Modi announced the extension of the lockdown until 3 May 2020. 

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