I had decided that I will never write to you again, as I wanted to distance myself from every single memory of yours. But, today I saw your profile on a matrimonial site, and everything tumbled back to when I had started picking up pieces of myself. It’s been a roller-coaster ride for me ever since you left and blocked me.
Yes, all my maturity goes in vain when it comes to you.
Why I still feel for you, I don’t know. Even then I didn’t know why I got emotionally attached to you. I felt something for you ever since I saw your profile on a matrimonial site. Things were different then and my marriage was arranged somewhere else, which eventually got called off due to some reasons. As they say, life goes on and one must move on, I moved on. I made my profile on a matrimony site again, and there was your profile once again. I also signed up on one of the apps named “truly madly”, just to explore what it is about. And I found you there, right clicked on you and it matched. You liked me too.
I was on top of the world that day. I was smiling ear to ear. We spoke, we met, we got close and I had inevitably fallen for you.
Why I liked you then, I don’t know yet. I don’t have any particular reason for loving you, I just loved everything about you. I had always been quite cold in expressing my emotions I guess, for the fear of being too emotional overpowered me then. I loved being with you, and I was always wanting time to stay still when I was with you. I finally confessed my true feelings and said ‘I love you’ to you. Yes, the feelings were not reciprocated, and I know I cannot blame you for that. I got quite close and attached to you in a span of six months.
I never remembered the dates, but you did and you always reminded me of them. I was surprised at how you remembered the smallest details.
This is for you dear, for the one who has gone, the one who left me without saying a goodbye, the one who doesn’t want me to contact further, I loved you. I don’t know what exactly this feeling is but I believe it to be love. Because love is pure, and that’s what my feelings for you are. I don’t know where I stand today, as I am back to where I was the day I realized that you are not there for me anymore. But I still wonder, what was I for you? As there was no name to what we had for six months, I consider myself naive. For me, you were like a dream come true. I accepted you to be a part of my life. You did give me hints, but being in love with you, the reality was clouded by my thoughts. My friends say that it’s all in my head, but I know that I am an emotional person, and I need to let go of everything that happened. I agree with everything they say to me, but how to tell them that on every festival and occasion when I am surrounded by my loved ones, I wish you were also there with me. I feel your absence. At every crowded place, I wish for your presence.
I have stopped listening to the songs in which love blossoms because I still imagine us, I have stopped watching romantic movies because they all feel irrational.
I know you don’t want me in your life anymore, but for once I wish to hug you tight and bid adieu. I need my closure before I wish you the best in life. I want to find myself again, and your thoughts are making it difficult for me. You are gone but what is left behind is causing the damage. I want to trust again, I want to love again before I lose hope and faith in love completely.