No, I haven’t been able to forget you as yet. But I wanted to thank you for teaching me how to be a better person. Thank you for letting me know what it means to be a real man. Thank you for opening my eyes to my inadequacies.
You were the one who taught me that there has to be some meaning to our lives.
I know I lost you because I hurt you deeply. I behaved in an inhuman manner with you. Truth be told, I had always taken you for granted.
You showed me what it means to value the people around me. You taught me how to be bigger than myself when it comes to loving someone.
We did share a relationship, but I know I did nothing to make you feel special. I neglected you, fought with you for being inadequate and repeatedly told you that there was more to my life than just you.
Sadly enough, despite doing all this to you, I somehow knew I had found the right person. I knew I had never shared a better relationship with anyone else in my life before. Yet, none of my actions was in alignment with my thoughts. Actually, I did not realize that I was lying to myself.
The best things were coming my way. But I never valued them.
I always had the utmost clarity about what I wanted from my professional life. I was consumed by my ambition and my drive because I wanted to build a great career for myself.
I never really sat down to think about what I wanted in my personal life. It had always been a passing train for me. I would glance at it whenever I could from the ‘career’ station.
I never had any intentions of making our relationship last. My ego was much bigger than that. I would cause you the utmost pain by indulging in meaningless flings with other women. Then I would come back to you and beg for your forgiveness. I had spun a web of lies in my head. Every time I hurt you, I convinced myself that I could reform myself. In hindsight, this proved to be my curse. I could never free myself from the grief that I caused you.
But I realized all this only after you left me for good. I will never be able to forgive myself for hurting you. You were the only person I deeply cared about.
I was an immature idiot. I did not know how to respect and appreciate the most valuable person in my life. I realized what I had really done, only on the day you left me.
You opened my eyes to the reality. I hated myself for being so pathetic. I knew if I had been in your place I wouldn’t even talk to the guy who hurt me like that.
That day, you told me so many things without even uttering a word.
You taught me how to keep someone happy. You taught me the real meaning of a ‘good' person. I spent several sleepless nights after you left me because all I could visualize was your grief-stricken face. This would torment me all through the night.
Yes, I continue to lead a normal life now. I try to do the ‘right’ things in life now. I hope to atone for my sins this way. I now know that you really deserved more than I had ever given you. You tried to mould me into a better human being but I was too blind to see what you were trying to do. I was irresponsible and immature at that time. Thank you for teaching me what it means to truly grow as a person.
I now know what I need to do in order to find someone who is as beautiful as you are from the inside. I wish I didn’t have to lose somebody as great as you to learn all this. But a real man must accept his sins.
I know I will be able to move on with my life only when I am able to forgive myself for what I did to you. I know I could never make you happy. But I hope you find someone who keeps you happy.
Thank you for dumping a messed up person like me. You taught me that there was more to my life than just me. You made me realize that my words and deeds could have an impact on so many other lives.
You taught me how not to hurt the people around me. You made me realize the value of doing the right things in life. I come across something meaningless almost every day. At such times, I ask myself if this is what I want from my life. These are the kinds of thoughts that I have now. And you taught me to reflect on such things. Today I consciously pursue things that add some meaning to my life. My only regret is that the person who taught me so many things is no longer a part of my life now.
Sincere most apologies,
From the person who broke your heart.