Confession Love Relationships heartbreak

With Her I'm Losing My Life

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I am an introvert. I never even thought of having a girlfriend. I got into a relationship with the girl after proposing to her 4 times in 4 months during my 12th board exams. She lived in my hometown and I studied in Delhi. I still remember the date when she said yes to me, it was 9th June 2010. It has been 7 years since then. We stayed apart all these years because she shifted to another city and I went to do my graduation.

It was difficult for us to even talk because she lived at her house and couldn't find the time and place to talk to me. Her messages and calls would make me very happy. As time passed our relationship grew stronger.

We fought a lot. I became short tempered because I didn't get to talk to her and meeting her was only possible in my dreams. I used to blame her for everything. She used to accept everything as her fault. This is how strong and tolerant she was. This is the thing I liked about her before proposing her. I love her for what she is, not for her looks. Though I was supposed to be "the man" but she had more courage than me. With time our frequency of meeting increased, we used to meet more than once a year. We had a very intimate, romantic relationship. I cherish every moment that I ever spent with her. Now I haven't seen her in the last 16 months.

She had started losing interest in me and our relationship was getting weaker. I was trying to keep my relationship alive. I requested her to meet me so that we could rejuvenate our feelings but she refused to put any effort into the relationship. Then I got to know from a mutual friend that she has fallen into the trap of another guy who belongs to the same caste as hers. I call it a trap because now she is getting married to him, just because the guy put their pictures on Facebook by hacking her ID. I couldn't believe that she betrayed me.

She did fall for another guy few years ago but then I controlled the whole scenario. I created her new IDs and got a new number. But this time, the situation is out of my hand. Parents are involved this time. I am still doing my PG so can't ask her parents to let their daughter marry me.

I know she lost her path twice. I don't blame her because she had her own reasons and also our long distance and rare rendezvous led her to these situations. I still love her, I forgave her then, I forgive her now. But she won't fight for us.

She is my life and I am losing my life. It feels like my whole world has fallen apart. I can't sleep properly, can't concentrate on anything. I can't contact her because she don't use a mobile now. I am in a lot of pain and agony. I can't leave my past behind. I don't know how she is able to do that. I love you so much jaan. I don't know what to do. It is getting worse by the day.

I feel incomplete without her. She is my better half. Paulo Coelho has said and I quote, "And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." Now it is like everyone is conspiring against me being with her. 

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