To The Guy Who Was Never There For Me And My Anxiety: The Apology You Owe Me

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 21 April, 2017

I truly am sorry.

I am sorry for every night you were lying curled up on the floor and tried to look at the time with blurry eyes. You hadn’t slept and was anxious. All I cared about was my uninterrupted sleep while you were hurting there.

I am sorry for every time you tried hard to meet my expectations and all I said was you are not worthy enough.

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I am sorry for all the courage it took you to hide the abuse marks, swollen eyes and depression written all over your face.

I am sorry for every time my pride was more important than your needs. When my ego came in between saying nice words to you.

I am sorry for every time when your friends took you to places to cheer you up. I am sorry for every time they hugged you and cursed my name under their breath for hurting their precious girl.

I am sorry for never being there whenever you needed me the most. I am sorry for leaving you alone to deal with everything. I am sorry for always putting you as the last priority and making you feel small before my friends and family.

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I am sorry for every shoulder you cried on because mine was never one of them. 

I am sorry for pushing you to the limits and then blaming you for the reactions which I actually deserved. 

I am sorry for the pills and anti depressants you popped up to feel normal and go through the day. I am sorry for naming your genuine care as a trap. I was such a fool to feel your concerns were restrictions. I am sorry for every time you were anxious for me and I didn’t care enough to even think about you.

I never hit you but I did far worse, I gave you a heartache that never stops hurting. I am sorry for those bruises carved on your soul. I am sorry for not being the right guy for you whom you deserved.

I am sorry now that you can’t trust anyone anymore and flinch even by the touch of people around you. I am responsible for all the walls you have built around your heart and it will take numerous efforts for others to reach you.

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I am sorry for not giving you the love, care and respect you deserved. I am sorry that now love vows leave a bitter taste in your mouth. I know just the mention of my name and the smell of my cologne triggers you and makes you walk away.

I knew how you were fascinated towards the ancients ruins and wanted to see them. Now I see how my abuses turned you into a ruin itself.

I wish, I had never met you because our relationship is like a burnt bridge that is impassable. I will always be sorry for not being the king that a queen deserves.