To My Long Lost Lover, I Know You Were Never Into Me But You Still Come In My Dreams

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 15 June, 2017

Almost four years have passed since we last met. The memories may have faded away but your face is still fresh in my mind.

We used to talk a lot, chatting for hours on senseless topics and sharing everything like two good friends would typically do. But for me it was definitely more than friendship. You unknowingly became an integral part of my daily routine but if I played the same role in your life will always remain a question unanswered.

Sometimes I wonder whether the proximity between us was real or just an illusion of my mind. I still remember the day I saw you in person for the first time as well as the last time. Although both times the emotions were considerably different, what was common was my unexpressed love for you. I didn’t confess anything ever for the fear of losing you. Or maybe this is another sympathetic reason I gave to myself for my cowardliness back then. You came like a gentle breeze and left like harsh winds blaming the circumstances. However, for me this was all a fictional story constructed by the rumors you believed in. It was like betrayal of my unconditional trust that I put in you.

I know you have moved on, you had a long time ago. Even I have but to be honest some part of me is still stuck at the very same place where promises were not broken but rather disowned. I hate to admit this but then no matter how much I try I can’t run from my conscience. For me you are a forgotten song that my heart still loves to hum. You still come in my dreams but now they haunt me.

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I want to run from the past, the past that involved you but at the same time I want to get lost in your mystical aura one last time. Stranded in the middle of these tumultuous emotions I often end up getting burnt.

Although time has dnes a good job in healing the wounds but my heart has still preserved the essence of your existence in some corner. Once in a while your beautiful face breaks my sleep. Every time this happens I scream loud, not loud to disturb anyone nearby but loud enough to shake the resistance I have tried to develop towards you.

Was I a fool to drown in your enchanting smile or was I someone who really never mattered to you except in time of boredom. These years that have passed have made me realise the truth I always ran away from and probably will continue to do so. That this was all an imaginary plot of my disillusioned senses.

I never really understood you and neither do I wish to. Long time back I wanted to know about what you felt for me. Now I have stopped caring. These questions disturb me but those faded memories of ours soothe me.
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We are still friends at least on Facebook. I often check your pictures no matter how hard I try to stop myself. The best I can do is to see them without hitting that like button. Now you are with someone else and honestly it hurts me. The smile on your face is still priceless, no matter the cost at which it comes but the presence of another person at familiar places pinches me from within. However, your happiness is the least consolation I give to myself.

I could go on writing but every story needs an end even if it doesn’t actually have any. Frankly I now hate you to some extent and I have got valid reasons for it. It’s not because I couldn’t get you but because of the way you forgot me in an instance. May be you took the concept of fast paced life way too seriously. Hating you forcibly naturally has helped me recover a lot.

The intensity of affection I held towards you is still intact but honestly it has fallen to a level that bothers me. I have come to terms with the fact that you are gone and I feel good that I never expressed my thoughts in front of you. Because either ways the consequences would definitely be the same.

Some may call it a loser’s presumption but somewhere in my mind I know you were never involved really involved.