This Is Why I Don’t Believe in Love Anymore: It Only Gave Me Anxiety And Depression

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 22 July, 2017

I have finally given up on fairy tales. There is no “happily ever after”. In fact, I believe there is no love after all. It’s just an idea to make you go through the terrible things that happen in life or to give you hope. Hope that one day, this magical thing would happen to you, that one day you would feel like the happiest person, that one day everything will fall into place and you’ll understand the meaning of everything that’s ever happened to you.

This ‘hope’ is a very dangerous thing. But it sells like nothing else. What if love is just two people manipulating each other to believe that their only chance of being happy is with each other?

I met this guy in office I was doing my internship in. He was different; the kind of different that makes you curious. Being in the same room as him, he had the potential of making you feel like a piece of furniture. He talked really less but when he did it, it made him look like someone who means every word he says and that’s rare.

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The only thing he was concerned about was his work and then something unbelievably insane happened. He started noticing me and talking to me and then finally he said these words, they still echo in my mind: “Your comfort is my utmost priority”. We started talking a lot. Hours and hours in a day and eventually I fell for him.

I’ve been in love before and I’ve been hurt before. I was with a man who was just everything I’ve ever wanted but he wasn’t the kinds to commit and then there was this guy who knew what commitment was and made it sound so real. I thought I’ve finally got what I deserved. I thought he’s going to stay and I believed him each time he said he won’t let me go.

But then the long calls got shorter and shorter and once again the only thing that was important to him was his work, and again I was just that piece of furniture. The man who once had screenshots of what quotes I liked and what songs I loved, had no time to understand the long texts I’ve been writing to him.

Nevertheless, he kept his word, he didn’t let me go but he sucked the hope out of me. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve no friends and no ambitions cause hope and trust are two things I totally don’t believe in.

I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I guess hope is the only thing I need. But I’m not sure what love is anymore; pure, selfless and genuine affection for another or just a manipulation of feelings until you are destroyed.