I am a 19-year-old girl, originally from Tamil Nadu but currently pursuing my post graduation in Maharashtra. I am a little different from other girls. Being a journalist, writer and traveller, I’ve spent most of time living away from home.
People called me different and strong-hearted. And of course, I loved the compliments!
This different mentality made me stay away from the opposite sex. I was never interested in any relationships even though I’ve received around 17 proposals.
My only aim was to create a unique identity for myself.
I was very sure of one thing; that I wouldn’t fall in love with someone unless he was ‘the’ man for me. Being a teenage girl, it's a little difficult to control your emotions because it's natural to attract someone and also get attracted by someone. So, I made a deal with myself.
I decided that I would never play with anyone’s heart just for temporary joy.
I did not want to cheat on my future partner also. Hence, whenever I’d get such feelings, I would express them through poems and drawings! And I had planned to give all of this joy to my man, when I would meet him.
My life was going smoothly until one day I received a message from him. I still remember his first fresh message! "Hi, I had seen your ad in a group. I would like to be a part of it." (I had a tuition center and had posted an ad for new staff on a WhatsApp group.)
At that time, I was out of station and couldn’t reply to him properly. I texted him when I returned to the city. And that was our first conversation! But it was more of an official text.
After a few days, he said that he wanted to know more about me. For the record, I wasn’t interested in him at that point. Slowly, our conversations started increasing. We started getting to know each other.
He was good at perceiving things, without me even telling him much.
When I was away on another trip, he sent me a text saying, “I know that you’ve been hurt in the past. I don't know the exact reason behind it but I would like to be the person whom you can always count on. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
I was shocked! How could he feel my pain so deeply?
Yes, I have been hurt in the past and still carry the pain (it has nothing to do with any heartbreak). But I ignored his proposal. Days passed by and finally, I decided to accept the proposal. Our relationship was going well. And I had never even met him!
For the first time, I started thinking of myself like a girl. I felt the real beauty of femininity and it is all because of him; he made me feel like a girl!
I was falling for him! It made me wonder how a strong-hearted girl like me could fall for a boy like this.
One day, he came online and said, "Katy, I told my mother about you and she’s not talking to me. I can't handle this situation. I don’t want her to be unhappy and I can't leave you. So I want you to leave me!” That was his last message.
Before accepting his proposal, I’d clearly told him that if his parents didn’t accept our love, we should respect their decision because only a person who has lost her parents, understands their importance and value.
I can still feel the pain of those last words! Everyone thinks that we've broken up, but no, he is my first love and I’m sure that he will be my last too! He loves me and I love him from the bottom of my heart. And I respect his responsibilities.
Every day I write a poem about our older conversations on my blog. Getting through each dark night is a struggle, which only my heart understands. The uncontrollable tears have drained me and I can’t cry any longer.
I’ve lost the old me, the bold and brave girl who could face anything.
Now, I can't live my life without him. I can’t ever think of another man. So, I’ve decided to wait for him. I want to show him that my love is true. And I know that one day, he will definitely come back to me.
I can't stop myself from thinking about him nor can I express my love to him!
But I will wait for him until my last breath.
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